Luigi, Internet dating, interracial relations etc.

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Dec 6, 2008 at 09:03

Well, first of all, I'll point out that I'm NOT in favour of internet dating - which is in itself, set for disaster. Usually those who frequent internet dating sites have various complexes that they need to resolve, & that they feel they can get away with in a relatively anonymous environment, as opposed to meeting someone in real life. Internet dating is like Photoshop, you can show what you want others to see, cutting out the ugly parts. We can't do that in real life, as the facts are there for all to see, unless we're talking skilled sociopaths. Even through webcam, although you're seeing the person, they're still miles away from you, therefore they still have the security of shielded intimacy.

Of course there are Internet success stories, but they're few & far between.

Usually both people who date online & internationally are running away from something, usually themselves. The fact is, they need to work on these issues before they even consider dating, whether online or offline. Because they'll eventually realise that internet dating is actually more complicated than offline, & that behind the computer screen is a real person with a Real Life. What makes them choose online rather than offline? Like you said, they might feel alienated/different, they might be facing mental turmoil of some sort, or they're simply looking for an outlet. But reality will always catch up with you if you run away from it in a bad state of mind.

I personally started reading this blog before I was even in a relationship, mainly because inter-cultural relationships interest me, & there are some intelligent discussions here.

Yes, I'm aware that a lot of women/men here are in serious situations, but what I was stating was that they shouldn't allow the losers who trampled all over them to steal what's left in their heart. A lot of the time cheaters/abusers want their victim to feel as empty as they do, & when they've finally broken free from the manipulator they find themselves no longer capable of giving/receiving affection. It's not your fault, it's theirs.

I agree that many persons on this blog are vulnerable in society, this is why we should be less harsh on them. A lot of women on here have already been criticized 100s of times for their actions, by their families, friends, society, & then to top it off, on the Internet. You don't always convey a "told you so" attitude but you can come across as a cynical paternal figure, Luigi! Sometimes it can be too much for a woman to handle, & being told that they're being used as a one-way ticket is enough to drive them to a lifetime of pessimism, despite its legitimacy. Some people are fortunate enough to be born with thick skin, & can forget about a guy/girl in a flash, but often when a man finds his way into a girl's heart it's not that easy to get him out, & it's a lengthy process. A natural reaction to being deceived is at first denial, & then either sadness or anger/the need to seek revenge.

It must be said that I do agree with your realistic advice to relationships with obvious red flags, though I do disagree with unnecessary judgement, ie. your recent comment in which you suggested Isis' partner could be cheating on her in Egypt. This is a very hurtful thing for anyone to hear, especially in long-distance relationships, where there are already enough trust issues.

If a woman chooses to risk her dignity/bank balance by gallavanting across the Middle East, then that's her choice, as an adult. A lot of these women are bored, have been abused by partners, or are merely curious, & there's not much that will stop them from pursuing it. Just like how young men risk their lives by joining the army, or people spend 1000s investing in a dead-end business. The problem is desire, a lot of the time love/lust is stronger than pride & it can make us do things we would never have dreamed of previously. And we always want what we can't have. There's no easy solution - every other day someone flies out to some hot country & is ripped off left, right & centre - some are even aware of it. The best a woman can do is stay dignified, don't fall too hard & do her research. Common sense really. Don't do what you wouldn't do at home.

Play with fire you'll get burnt, make your bed you lay in it etc. there's a 1000 proverbs for it.

True, most would prefer to marry/breed with someone of their own race, but the fact is racial mixing has been going on for centuries, even in the Middle East (though they often deny it). That's why there's so much diversity, from light-skinned Caucasians to clearly Sub-Saharan mixtures. If we're talking North Korea it's a different story. I agree, I probably would have more in common socially with a West African of my country than a Middle Eastern Caucasian, but only to a certain extent. Sure, we could talk about society, politics, arts etc. but it doesn't make me more likely to fall in love with him. A lot of the time women who seek out men from other cultures do so because they can't relate to men of their own country. Just ask the Russian women who flock to Turkey every year to get away from their cold male counterparts.

I'm sure those statements are correct regarding Saamis/North Africans etc. but this doesn't relate to modern society. A lot of North Africans I know don't even consider themselves socially white, mainly the elitists do so.

Is it a basis for real love? Well, it depends on everyone's definition of love, whatever that may be. Is a Moroccan marrying another Moroccan because their parents told them to a basis for real love? I don't think so, & couldn't think of anything worse. In extreme cases, I've heard of North African men dating older homosexuals before ignoring them & marrying a woman. Question is, what was their true orientation? And did they sacrifice love for their faith?

I was explaining to one poster's daughter on here that exotic men often exploit a woman's lust for them, by appearing to be the classical knight in shining armour, modeling themselves as an escape. Most of the time it's nothing more than an illusion. Usually the most sheltered, unworldly women fall for their charms, & girls from homogenous families. They see these men as a commodity, a new flavour, & the men reap this. It's like that No Doubt song, "New" lol.

Usually, women on here come from narrow-minded backgrounds, ones that generalize & criticize anyone "different" and so they've heard it all before. Sometimes I wonder whether dating inter-culturally is a latent form of rebellion against their uptight familes, which sounds extreme, but I'm sure it happens.

I've already stated that I'm not a fan of online relationships, & my advice to anyone looking for an interracial relationship would be to get to know someone in real life, with a stable mind and clear goals. But never let down your guard, because you'll be seen as a goldmine to exploit, & a lot of such men target needy women. I know it seems like the only alternative is a life of loneliness, but work on yourself first, have fun & build up your self-esteem rather than relying on a man to boost it. Most of all, sign out from those dating sites & forget about it. If you like eg. Moroccan men, don't look for them on the internet, like Luigi said they're usually up to no good, are unemployed & seeking some sort of female Daddy Warbucks. Respect yourself first & you'll get the respect you deserve, most men can sniff out a woman with low self-esteem like a cat sniffs out mice.

There are a lot of alienated Moroccans, but very few of them will be surfing the net looking for a wife. Actually, a lot of these young men are searching for similar things as the women when you think about it. They feel trapped, & see the Western woman as an escape, just like the women do.

That was long lol, but really it's such a complex issue.

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