Lovesick - the story of my stupidity

Submitted by Ashjan (Hungary), Jan 4, 2014 at 16:59

Two years ago I met a palestinian man during my holiday, he was our group's coach driver. Being in my late thirties and still single, I would never have expected that to happen. I'm not ugly, yet I am unable to find anyone in my home country. The guy probably sensed my loneliness and vulnerability, I'm not sure.

He's a handsome charmer over 50 and he tried to seduce me right from the start of the trip. I liked him instantly but tried to resist because I felt it was somehow wrong. Especially when I asked him if he was married and he said yes. He has a large family, lots of kids etc as most Muslim men do. I heard the alarm bells ring and saw the red flags but stupid me, I wanted to be happy and loved and cherished so badly that I shrugged them all off and marched into a messy affair with him. My common sense kept reminding me that the sweet nothings he was telling me had come too easy, "out of routine" ie he had told the same stuff to many other women before... but again I pushed that aside. I wanted him to treat me like a princess and he did.

However, a few things scared me: he usually took me to the beach at night where we seldom bumped into other passers by. And there he sometimes grabbed me quite firmly and when I asked him to let go of me several times, he didn't....or he tried to drag me somewhere and kept nagging me about what HE wanted from me. It didn't really matter what I wanted (or didn't want). So his true violent nature showed for short moments from behind his sweet charming mask. I was confused, because I was attracted to him and also terrified of him at the same time. Have you felt like that before?

When I returned home, we kept in touch by phone. He said he didn't like email because his family can access them. Okay. So we texted or called each other. His messages were mostly about sex and body parts, and he also kept telling me that he truly loved me and that he didn't have any other ladies in his life, apart from his wife and me. Sometimes I believed him, other times I did not. I spent lots of time crying and suffering when I was thinking he's with another woman and not with me. That was nearly driving me crazy.

He said he wanted to marry me. But you are already married! - I said but he didn't understand my worries because Islam allows him to have more than one wife. But I'm Christian and for me marriage is only for one man and one woman. And I know we both live in two different worlds, not just geographically but also our culture, upbringing and ways of thinking are different. And this has been going on like that without an end for two years. I sometimes tried to get rid of him but then I was so sad and I missed him so much that I couldn't delete him and always re-started the chain. Stupid me!

I'm so grateful to God that I found this website. Having read your stories and comments mean a great help to me! Now I'm trying to make a fresh start this year and stopped responding to his texts and calls. I still love him and whenever it gets hard and painful, I come back to this site for more strength and support. Thank you!

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