An Honest College Tour

Submitted by Dave (United States), Apr 15, 2017 at 07:14

Welcome to St. Louche University! We are proud of being the only campus in the country with three bowling alleys and two movie theaters. Currently, we are engaged in a debate as to whether or not we should have exams and actually give grades since the students are so sensitive and are worried that grades are some sort of white-privilege micro-aggression. Anyway, they spend so much of their time smoking weed, drinking and partying that actually learning anything is a minor part of their experience here, but protests employing pretentious jargon and moral outrage provide some cover for their intellectual vapidity.

As you know, our tuition is outrageous, but that's because we need to maintain our dorms, labs and library and pay our renown faculty sky-high salaries for research and parroting the exact same ideological gibberish. Of course, if any of them didn't tow the liberal-left line they would never get tenure, so that tends to keep them singing in tune. We despise racial or cultural elitism, but have no problem with intellectual elitism because, truth be told, we are shameless hypocrites. Oh, we had a conservative professor a few years back, but he disappeared and his body has yet to recovered.

Our student body is very diverse, and we make a special effort to recruit from the most turbulent Muslim countries. Being Black or Hispanic is a plus, but we do look askance at Jews who may have Zionist tendencies, especially since the Saudis and Qataris give us such big endowments.

With a degree from St Louche, our graduates will be saddled with debts that will take years to pay off, especially since they won't learn anything that will make them employable. At least they can claim to be college graduates on their resumes, if not exactly educated people. Know what I mean?

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".