Chester PBUH says I have to kill....you

Submitted by Fred Baehr (United States), Mar 7, 2012 at 13:49

Someone insulted my black cat Chester PBUH. If Chester PBUH was just a regular cat that might be okay, but Chester PBUH is my spiritual guide, my inspiration and I love him with all my heart and filleted soul. I am now so full of righteous rage that I cannot possibly contain myself. I cannot live with this insult and call myself a man or worthy of Chester's PBUH forgiveness. I can't even jack off! Chester PBUH demands that I kill those who insult him, or at least kill someone who kinda looks like someone who insulted him, or someone who is just in the way when I try to kill someone who kinda looks like someone who insulted him. Chester PBUH loves everyone! So why do these people, who don't even know the serene beauty that is Chester PBUH choose to insult him and everyone everywhere who love Chester PBUH and revere his every meow? Anyone who rejects or insults my prophet and beloved leader Chester PBUH must be killed and I must kill all of them I can so as to prove to Chester PBUH that I love him more than life itself, yes, my life and everyone else's too. So don't you dare insult Chester PBUH or any little black cats who kinda looka lika Chester PBUH! We are legion, we are easily upset and we are horribly inbred, so don't mess with us! Peace be unto Chester PBUH and his curses upon the unbelievers! Meow! Meow! Meow!

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".