The Trials and Travails of a 21st Century Slave Owner

Submitted by Denis Schulz (United States), Sep 12, 2006 at 09:07

The Travails of Homaidan Al-Turki—"It's tough being a slave owner in 21^st Century America"

The sheer injustice of the sentence was enough to make a grown Muslim cry. A wailing and gnashing of teeth was heard round the world. There was scarcely a dry-eyed Imam in all of Cairo and dozens of Mullahs were so upset they beat their housekeepers instead of their wives. Homaidan Al-Turki, the gentle linguist, the compassionate bookseller, the humble PhD candidate at the University of Colorado, had been sentenced to 27 years to life in Colorado's Rocky Mountain version of Abu Ghraib for unlawful sexual conduct by use of force, theft, and extortion. He had also been convicted of false imprisonment and conspiring to commit false imprisonment—in other words, slavery.

What a gross miscarriage of justice! His crime? He had selflessly given of himself. Yes, he had allowed a poor indigent Indonesian woman to take advantage of his Islamic largesse! He had given her a job, room and board, and a chance to make something of herself. Was there no justice in the land of the free and the home of the brave? Oh, the ignominy!

Jefferson Davis had held millions of African-Americans in slavery for years; they were dhimmis, to be sure, but that was no excuse, they were still people of the Book and had some rights. And what did Davis get? A tap on the wrist—that's what! Two years in a private room in Fortress Monroe! And he had resisted arrest—at Gettysburg, at Vicksburg, at Chickamauga, at Chancellorsville and at a dozen other places. And he never went to trial! He would not have been treated so lightly if he had been a Muslim.

An emotional Al-Turki told the judge, "Your honor, I am not here to apologize for I cannot apologize for things I did not do and for crimes I did not commit. Attacking traditional Muslim behavior was the focal point of the prosecution."

Qur'an 33:51 "You may have whomever you desire; There is no blame."

Apparently Al-Turki desired his Indonesian housekeeper and was convicted for sexually assaulting her and for holding her in virtual slavery for four years. It wasn't right! Dhimmi law didn't make any sense! Jeff Davis got off scot-free! Of course, that was in 1865, and the laws have changed since then—in the United States, not in Saudi Barbaria, but in the United States. Couldn't they have made some kind of allowance as between people of the Book? Gosh, how was Al-Turki to know slavery was forbidden in the US? There weren't any signs posted anywhere. He wasn't a historian; he was a Muslim! A little slavery never hurt any country. If the United States was as culturally diverse as it claims they would allow religiously sanctioned servitude. It wouldn't be for everybody—just for Muslims.

"I was convicted on fear and emotion, not facts," said the gentle linguist. "I want a fair trial where my religion and where I come from is not a conviction."

(Al-Turki immigrated from 6^th Century Saudi Barbaria where open professions of non-Muslim religions will get one flogged and deported; a land where the Bible, the Torah and the cross are banned. The Saudi Religious Police (The Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice) are more numerous in the streets of Riyadh than Der Fuhrer's Gestapo were in the dark alleys of Berlin and Stuttgart and have been proven less susceptible to schnapps and more prone to violence. There are more Black Robes per square inch in Saudi Barbaria than there were fleas in the Prophet's beard and almost as many fleas as flaws in Al-Turki's preposterous complaints).

Fear? Emotions? He wants a fair trial? Suppose, he had been a Christian caught carrying a Bible in Saudi Barbaria? That sounds good. He would have been flogged and sent packing. And what about raping a Muslim woman? One is talking castration and the death penalty. Anybody got Ramsey Clark's phone number?

How much time will Al-Turki actually spend in jail? Not enough to rot his socks. It won't be anywhere near 27 years. The Federal Government has already dropped charges against the gentle linguist—he has suffered enough apparently—and Saudi negotiators have opened talks at the highest levels of the US government to win his release from prison. He will be sprung before the Chicago Cubs have a winning season.

In the meantime, the compassionate bookseller's wife, Sarah Khoniazan, currently serving one month in the hoosegow for her part in her husband's production of Gone With the Qur'an, is organizing a boycott of American goods. All good Saudis are being urged to spend their petrodollars elsewhere. What a devastating blow this will be to the American economy! The lip-gloss industry will take a big hit and Frederick's of Hollywood will probably never recover!

Ah—if that were the only bad news! Thousands of students from Saudi Barbaria are enrolling in American universities this fall under a new educational exchange program brokered by George W. Bush (PBUH) and King Bubbadullah. How many American students—aside from Muslim-Americans—will be going to Saudi universities is a military secret.

What was it Mrs. Parker said to Bonnie? "I don't want you hanging around with that Clyde Barrow?" It's a pity! And to think George W. turned down Potsy and Ralph-Malph for Bubbadullah!

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