If I were a geek man...

Submitted by Michael S. (United States), Nov 26, 2014 at 15:47

Shalom Jana

I don't know who Richard is -- You must have me confused with that king who fell at Boswoth Field. I'm Michael, communing with the deer and hummingbirds here in western Oregon. You must live about two miles due west of the Hackney Marshes. Believe it or not, my wife's great-grandmother used to run cattle there when she was a little girl. Her (GGma's) father was a dairy contractor, and member of the London Council. From what I've heard on the grapevine, London has changed since those days.

"Happy Clappy"? I've never heard that one, even in the warmed-over version :-) If you mean I'm a real God freak, and not part of the Sunday dress-up bunch, you nailed me (which is to say, you've identified me correctly). I had an interview with God in the forest, 40 years ago, when I was lost there on a moonless night. I was sitting on my guitar case and shivering, doing Yoga to calm me down by listening to my heartbeat. I heard it going tha-thump, tha-thump, and thought the not-too-astounding thought,

"That's my heart beating. Hmm... I must be alive. When I stop hearing that, I'll be dead."

Sitting there alone, as I was, and thinking that I might freeze to death, I decided to talk to God. I said,

"Hi, God. I guess I might be seeing you shortly. This would be a good time for me to get to know you."

I had been on a spiritual quest the previous few years,.. studying Yoga, reading the Kybalion, Lenin (the Commie, not the rock star), the Thought of Chairman Mao Tse Tung, Qur'an, the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao and the Bible through Numbers. The previous summer, I had spent three days on a Christian commune, working on my car, and spent my free time reading the New Testament. So I asked God,

"Which one are you? Are you the Bible God? Are you Jesus?"

I think I was facing northeast, talking to God, and suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder behind me. I wasn't expecting that, and was afraig to look back to see if someone was really there (This was pretty deep in the forest, and I don't think anyone was there with me). I got the impression that he was Jesus, and that was good enough for me. All of a sudden, I wasn't shivering anymore and felt warm, and stopped thinking about freezing to death. I started singing some Christian songs that I had heard some eight months before, at the commune, but had never heard or sung since, and fell asleep on my guitar case. In the morning, when the sun gloamed through the foggy canopy, I got up and found my way back to my shelter.

I never did learn to play that guitar But yes, I'm the genuine article. God's been real to me ever since, and I talk to Him just like I did back in the forest.

That was forty years ago, so you must've been living two years in the UK. A Jewish mama from Germany? That's interesting. At that time, the only Jews I knew were our family doctors, my lawyer from the Army days and some hippie communards. I grew up on the side of town where they served czarnina, kielbasa and porky, porky bratwurst. I had never in my life seen a streimel or payots -- even in a book. If you had asked me then, I would have thought your were talking about some sort of cactus.

Jewish moms, latkes, schmaltz... I like it. The world needs them. I think my mom's line, way back in the early 1800s, had a Jewish mom on a shtetl in Galicia. We have no records, just my grandma's surname that was unique to that shtetl. If we're in that family, then we're related to Zero Mostel. Pretty fancy, heh?

"Oh, if I were a geek man! Laidie laidie daidie dum. All day long I'd biddie biddie bum, if I were a nerdy man!"

What are we talking about? Congress subsidizing biased, anti-Jewish studies? Oy! That again -- the reason Jewish men always wear a hat. I have a picture of my wife's great-great grandfather, the dairyman. He was wearing what looked like a yarmulke, but I'm sure he wasn't Jewish (I had my wife's DNA tested -- pure Mother England). Maybe he was a Freemason or something. All that stuff fades away, back into the mists of time. After I die for real, I plan to ask him about the hat.

MIddle East Studies. I have a book about the Middle East -- from thousands of years ago, long before Muhammed was born, and before Massada. There weren't any "Palestinians" in the land back then, and probably no yarmulkes. Jewish men didn't wear coverings to show they were the "priest" in their home, which is where they had their worship because the Temple had been destroyed. Now the Arabs go up there to blaspheme God, and to throw bricks at the Jews, wailing at the base of the retaining wall. Something is very, very wrong with that picture.

Tell your husband to hold onto his hat, literally. Things are coming in the UK, which might not necessarily be good (God forbid!). Britain is changing; so is the US. The deer, the turkeys, the hummingbirds -- they haven't changed much since the days of their ancestors; but the people have.

God bless and keep you. Shalom shalom.

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