a message from the Council on Rattlesnake Acceptance by People (CRAP)

Submitted by Charles Martel (United States), Jun 9, 2015 at 14:25

First of all, the future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of pit vipers. And before we get on our high horse, let's remember that during the Crusades, terrible things were done by puppies, kittens, hedgehogs, and yes even chinchillas. As someone who grew up around venom-spewing monsters and came to respect their idiology, I can say that the sweetest sound I know is the rattlesnake shaking its tail, posed to strike an infidel. We should also convey our deep appreciation for the black widow spiders, cobras, scorpions, malaria-infected mosquitos and like creatures, whose faith has done so much over the centuries to shape the world — including in our own country. So I must make clear that America is not – and never will be – at war with venomous monsters.

That experience guides my conviction that partnership between America and pit vipers must be based on what rattlesnakes are, not what they aren't. And I consider it part of my responsibility as president of the United States to fight against negative stereotypes of lethal serpents wherever they appear.

In this country we have guinea pigs, rattlesnakes, fluffy kittens, cute barky puppies, goldfish, bunnies, and their own path to grace is one that we have to revere and respect as much as our own.

Yours truly,

Barack Hussein Crotalus ....I mean Obama!

Barack Hussein Obama

Official Spokesman, Council on Rattlesnake Acceptance by People (CRAP)

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