How to resist a beheading

Submitted by Ibn Musa Rabainu (United States), Feb 25, 2009 at 14:37

A guide for Muslim wives. "Keeping your head on straight when hubby gets too Islamic for your comfort zone".

This is based on my modification of what I learned in self-defense courses written by nra.org.

Lesson 1. Its harder to break tunnel vision and be aware of someone approaching you from the side or behind while wearing a hijab, nijab, and burqa-style veil.

Lesson 2. Why a Kevlar necklace is more important for you than traditional chest protection bullet resistant body armor.

Lesson 3. Bringing enough gun to prevent beheading. Consider the Judge revolver by Taurus or, if you wear a really oversize burqa and think you can handle it, an authentic zionist entity infidel occupier of Palestine-manufactured Uzi. Or both.

Lesson 4. How to speed dial 911 and point shoot for self-defense with both hands inside your burqa.

Lesson 5. Practice shouting "WAQIF (Arabic for stop) I've got a gun under my veil that shoots man stopper bullets. Back off now. I've already called the police. There are other ways to maintain family honor. Drop the ritual beheading tool. Get down on the prayer rug now facing Mecca, forehead grinding into to rug, but keep your palms up. Stay down in the Raka position on the prayer rug with your palms up. Don't look at me. Drop the beheading tool NOW! Do as I say and I'll have a male relative buy for you a new Sharia-approved wife-beating rod from the Gift Shop at the Grand Mosque of the Land of the 2 Shrines. This is your last warning. Drop the ritual beheading tool..."

Lesson 6. Ask your lawyer which to say to 911 and the police. "There is a domestic dispute. I'm armed with a gun and afraid of losing my head. Send help fast." Or "I tried as much as possible to defuse the situation and reach a peaceful and honorable solution but my neck was still in immediate and imminent danger of being slashed and my head being completely severed except for a small piece of skin as is the traditional islamic style in our Sharia law and Hadith." Or "There has been an attempted beheading. There are witnesses. I was the victim. I look like a quivering tent." (Then hang up the phone.)

Say no more until you speak with a lawyer except to tell the detective and all who will listen, "I'd rather spend the next few days and nights in jail than be released into the custody of any of my or my husband's male relatives who want to bail me out. I'm afraid they might have yet additional motives to uphold family honor. By the way, may I have hallal food here."

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