To N and S: some replies to your questions and resources for you!

Submitted by A very concerned reader, Feb 18, 2021 at 18:26

My dear N and S,

I do understand you well. Everything you feel is real and it's exactly what happens when you're in an abusive relationship and these Muslim men are experts at this. Yes, they use brainwashing techniques, and we're not able to notice until one day we find ourselves repeating Surah Al-Fatiha five times a day... How is possible?

You said it well: they're like a drug and overcome the relationship is very hard for the victim due to the dysfunctional bond created between you and him. Not only is hard for you to move on, also it is for them. They can't let go easily because in their dysfunctional minds, you belong to them. You have read well. Your Egyptian man thinks you belong to him. He gave you all the doses of mistreatment (through intermittent reinforcement, withdrawal of affection, love-bombing, punishments, discards, hoovering and then start all the cycle again) to make you crave him, and now he can't understand and accept that you have the strength to leave him.

Narcissist are addicted to this craving of their victims which we professionals called narcissistic supply. So you're a drug for him too. Any woman in their lives is a supply and they can't stand when they leave them. Leaving these men makes them feel powerless, and there's nothing harder for an abusive person than this.

Now that you know the truth, that he doesn't love you because he's unable to love (because he only needs women to control them and feel superior, use them and fill his macho ego), that he's not the person that he pretended to be, you'll healing. Take one day at a time. You're already in the right path. The rest, time will make it. You can find lots of resources on YouTube, videos and online coaches who offer their articles and videos for free. Choose one that you like and stick to them every day to reinforce the message in your mind. Look for narcissistic abuse recovery programs, narcissistic survival therapy, etc. (I love Inner Integration program but there are many others and for sure you can find others in your language). I can promise you that the cure for this is only rewiring your brain. You'll find lots of guided meditations to achieve this. I promise you that they work. I use them with my women and they couldn't be happier. Listen to them before falling asleep every night. You'll notice the different in about one week! Keep exercising as much as you can and see the "miracles" happening in your wellbeing. :) You'll be so proud and busy taking care of yourself that you'll forget about that piece of... you know what! In fact, miracles don't exist. We make things happen! And indeed you have the strength in you.

By the way, the reason why he looked to know you so well it's because of something called cognitive empathy which is different from emotional empathy. Their emotional intelligence is impaired. They're great to mimic us and pretend to be exactly what we want. But they lack of empathy in terms of remorse, putting themselves in your shoes, feeling pain or suffering for others, etc. It's all a big lie. I'm sorry it happened to you. But you're growing, girl, and for your betterment! Let me know if you want me to pass you links and resources if you can't find something you really trust.

Oh, of course that their scriptures contribute a great deal to treating human beings like this. Remember, marriage is a business for them which also serves to spread their ideology/religion through having children. There's no love involved.

But talking about love, I'm sending you lots of love! You're doing great! Let me know if you need something.

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