Steph at least get ready.

Submitted by C&E (United States), Jul 15, 2007 at 03:15

I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years. I had a child and little education. Even though I was absolutely miserable I stayed because I was scared of fending for myself. I worried that my daughter would be emotionally damaged by the loss of a family. I had no real support, I didn't know how I could afford child care when I would earn so little money as it was. I didn't know how I would be able to handle going to school, working full time, taking care of my house and raising a child.

It just seemed so easy to stay with the evil I knew versus facing the hardship of what I did not know.

I was so desperate, so miserable, so angry at the world because no one would help me, and those who did care I didn't want to impose upon because they had little, just like I. When sitting at the table with my best friend (who left after 13 years of marriage and FOUR kids) I asked her: "Will I ever leave?" She replied: "Yes, when you have had enough". I was upset, her answer seemed so flippant, I wanted something more profound than that.

A year later after that conversation I found out I was 6 months pregnant. I was crushed, I took precautions to NOT conceive and we had only had sex ONCE that year. Two weeks later, as I was still reeling from the fact that all my hopes for a degree were crushed, that my fate to the evil I was married to was sealed forever because I would now be saddled with two kids, he laid it on me: He was having an affair for the last year, with a woman at his work who had an STD.

I went screaming and crying to my friend who held me and whispered: "Have you had enough yet?".... "How many more kids will he give you? How long before he brings you a disease? How long before he accidently beats you to death? Your misery is getting bigger, not better". I screamed at her "HOW?!?!?! I CAN'T!!!" She drew back from me and said: "Do you really think whatever is out there is worse than this? You just do it, its as simple as that".

Steph, my friend was RIGHT. It is REALLY that simple. Life has a way of taking care of itself. You live in America with a dependent child. You aren't going to starve to death on the streets. You aren't going to be homeless. You will get a small part-time job under the table, go to school part-time, get up to the ears in debt but you will still have time with your kid and for your self. Then you sue your ex's pants off in support and alimony. You can do it, you are just too scared to right now. And once you REALLY get to the point where you can't take it; NOTHING and I mean absolutely NOTHING will stop you from walking out that door because ANYTHING is better than what you are living.

I left two years ago. I got a degree, I have two babies, I live on my own, I have enough money for the internet, food, rent, electricity and phone. I just started my career so I don't have two pennies to pinch together after the bills are paid. But I don't have some drugged up loser screaming filthy names at me, threatening to beat me up or trying to rape me while I sleep. I am getting back my self respect, I have the ability to go where I want, when I want, dressed how i want. I met a new man who treats me like a damned queen. I taught my daughter how to be a real woman instead of a wash rag. I have a REAL shot at HOPE again. A real opportunity for finding a happy life now.

I did it with two kids (one who was a breast feeding infant), no support, no idea where the next meal was even coming from. And I say to you sister, you can do it too, you just have to get to the point where anything is better than what you are living now. Of course, you will probably reject this, claim I don't understand YOUR particular situation, I understand, I used to say that too. But THAT'S why you don't go Steph, you're fear of making it on your own is bigger than living with him. The sooner you do it the easier for your children, the sooner you do it the more time you have to find happiness and less opportunities you pass by.

So work on your fear, because THATS what is really keeping you from leaving.

And when you healed yourself please think on this: the man who abused me was white from America. The man that has saved me was from Turkey. Some are good some are bad, religion or culture is irrelevant to someone who is an abusive ass hole anyways.....

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