Comment on "I am an American Woman married to a Turkish man"

Submitted by Robrecht De keyzer (Netherlands), Aug 12, 2007 at 09:00

Comment on "I am an American Woman married to a Turkish man"

Submitted by Samantha, Aug 1, 2007 at 22:27

Dear Dear Samantha,

I did not understand a particular aspect of your subject line though I could figure out you are stating in your there that you are married to a Turkish man but in the text you state you've got a boyfriend.... This already is a very important element to my next comment on Turkish culture and muslim culture as a whole:

I am a half Belgian half Dutch man and have been studying Turkish languages and Cultures and living over here in Leiden/ Europe . We have got a little more experience than America in a multicultural society, especially about muslim countries, since we geographically live nearer to them. I know the US has a smart system of knowledge immigrant admission, many asians and latins but in percentage far far more less muslims, on 300 milj inhabitants about 2 % is from Arab/Turkish descent. This is different in Western Europe, were only Germany got already about 3 milj. Turkish speaking people on 88 million inh.

Let's get clear.. There is a lot of variation in Turkish men. Some appear very decent, polite and typically western reserved since they know the rules and turn out to have a "sweet darling"in each and every city of Turkey and many in Europe. others, like the daughter of my father's former colleague has a Turkish husband, they really married in Belgium and also in Turkey. getting to know eachother's families yeah yeah and she is the only love of his life!! and they are both happily working in Belgium, having kids etc...

I myself have met many serious Turkish men in marriage but also many snatching a bit here and there in relationships. Be careful as to whom wants to date your daughter, be it an American boy or a Turkish, in the end it comes to much much communication, showing interest but also posing the right questions with checkes and balances. You need to visit Turkey and know the country and the language, that is 100% for sure!!!!!

In general Turkish men tend to consider women in a marriage much more serious and esteem them carefully than women who live together, I am sorry to let this sound a bit offensive, but that is reality in the culture over there even with Turks who are slightly secularized muslims. In the cities there you will find totally leftist young Turks who are not muslims and maybe unmarried but more faithful to there girlfriend than married orthodox and seemingly neat Turkish men with a lot of young girlfriends all over the country!! what a hypocrisy, but I also met very open and honest religious men with a happy marriage over there!!

Once a mother turns out to be married, then they will come both to your husband and you.....not your boyfriend.....to ask the hand of your daughter just as in conservative dating America some guys come to the father to ask for his daughter's hand as soon as the couple decides they are ready to engage as fiancees.

But please look out for easy daters, quick with romantic words after only a week, it could be real love at first sight but simply also a play.. again, know the culture, check the family of the boys, even travel to that family and of course it can still go wrong but that is life, sometimes a bit of a risk.

Basarilar, many success, selamlar, peace, Robrecht

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