Personality change when Turkish family came to visit

Submitted by jessica (United States), Aug 16, 2007 at 13:10

For the last 5 almost 6 months I have been dating a man orginally from Turkey who has been in the US for 6 1/2 years. We have been doing fantastic and he has been the best companion and role model for my not yet 2 year old son. He loves my son as if it was his own child.

About 8 weeks ago things drastically changed. A week before his sister, her husband, and two sons 3 1/2 and 8 years old were coming to visit, he became into his own needs and was preoccupied. I thought at first it was because he was nervous that his sister he had not seen in 6 1/2 years was coming. I worked at helping him get his home ready for their arrival. It seemed he was happy with all my support, but kept informing me that he was not in need for my help. Yet, I knew he was in need of my support.

Besides, we are in a relationship and I my belief when you are in a relationship with someone you support them. So anyways the first week, his family arrived I gave him some space in order to spend time with each other after so long. Well after the first day of their arrival, he expected me to come over and visit with them. So I did, along with my son. Then days went by and he was offended that I was not coming over every day.

As a single mother who was working full time, I had many things to do in my day, I did not want to carry that stress over to his household with this visitors. Well, I had given gifts to the family as a token for my appreciation of their visit. They had also given my son and I gifts. One of the gifts given to me was a necklace. Well, I forgot the necklace one day when I spent the night and was rushing to work. My boyfriend was so mad at me! he said that was so disrespectful and would not take my side of knowing I simply for got the necklace by mistake because of being late for work. Besides it was in our bedroom. However, his sister was in our bedroom and had noticed it. He mentioned that and said that it was not his sister who was upset, but him....

Then two weeks after they arrive he proposes to me and expects me to live with him right then and there while his family is visiting for a total of 8 weeks. Because I love my new fiance, my son and I move a few of my sons and my belongings until his family leaves. Please keep in mind my fiance has a 2 bedroom and 2 bath apt, and there is 7 of us total living under the same roof.

So then my fiance ends up getting mad at me because I am tending to the daily schedule of my son's needs and I am not at the dinner table at 7:30pm to have dinner with the rest of them. Instead, I am working at getting my son to sleep because 7:30 pm is his scheduled sleep time, which has been prior to even living with my fiance. So I deal with that issue.

Then my fiance tells me that he wants to do a small wedding at the court office and wants his sister and brother in law to be our witnesses. My fiance TELLS ME he wants a small thing and nothing big. As the bride to be, I always wanted to do something semi traditional for a wedding, but not anything too big. Because it is not what my fiance wants, he decides not to get married while his sister was there and to not discuss plans for marriage until they leave.....

Where I am getting with all this is that, my fiance is calling all the shots here.... He is not patient. He expects when he tells me not to do something, he only wants to tell me once. He is very unpredictable and I feel I am walking on egg shells. He has lost his temper 4 times while his family has been here. I even lost my temper with him the last time he lost his temper, because I have had it!

He threatens to cancel getting married, and now I don't even know if we will get married. He has yelled and slammed a door in my face in front of my son who is not even 2 years old, while holding him.... I am not happy, yet, I want to see how things will be after his family leaves in a couple of days.... At this point I just want the old boyfriend back, forget marriage. I don't even know why he proposed so quickly. But then again I am "supposedly" the 6th person he has proposed to, which doesn't make me that happy....

i am scared for my situation even though all the money I earn at work is mine. I just think it is best for me to save all my money while under his roof and if things do not improve, my son and I will move out. It saddens me, because I was so excited about getting married. I even bought my $1200 wedding gown and everything. My family really likes my fiance, but they don't see the side I see of him that makes me question our commitment to each other. Yet, he is good to my son....

I NEED HELP AND ADVICE.... PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

Signed, A VOICE WITH NO SOUND

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