Let her come to XMAS ,Pat !

Submitted by sara (United States), Dec 5, 2007 at 18:29

Hi Pat, I've been following your story and feel for you. I don't know what I would do in your place... I have sons myself, so am not familiar with rebellious daughters. Remember that teenagers are doing what they do to separate and create their individual identity and grow up- so they begin by doing anything that you would not do- so its more about you and her than you think...

Anyway, as I read your post here, I wanted to say that I think that you should rise above all this and show your daughter the right way, and keep your principles and openess. this will clash nicely with her new dictator's closeness and cutting off. You see what I mean? You can let her know how upset and worried you are, but tell her that it is in your Christian/motherly nature (western nature really) to be open and forgive. She is welcome to come to Christmas, and if she thinks her husband would want to come, that is her decision.

Play reverse psychology on her- when you remove your wall, she will realize that the wall is really hers and her husbands. She will naturally feel that she needs to get away from him and come to you. Its like the brainwashing of cults. you can't just say 'he is bad for you', she has to arrive at it herself and it is a process. The more you push her or reject her, the more she feels justified in staying with him, even though she may not even want to! Don't let her make this a war between the two of you- it allows her to avoid dealing with the real issues.

Besides, I doubt very much that her husband would want to come for Christmas, and if you are lucky, that will start such a fight between them (with her finding herself defending you) that they might just end it then and there!

Good luck to you and I hope you get through this with as little pain as possible.

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