Advice please???

Submitted by SL (Japan), Dec 13, 2007 at 07:47

As I dont have anyone to talk to about this specific matter, I seriously hope there will be someone who can help me clear up my confusion and give me some insights.

I am supposed to get married to this muslim man pretty soon in the future, but at the last minute I am having second-thoughts about it. Things started off great at the beginning, but quite frequently I wonder if its a living hell for both of us.

Of all the issues we have got, the most major one is that I am not a virgin while he is.
His dream has always been to marry a virgin girl. Someone who has kept herself just for him.
We have tried to work it out, but he can never seem to get past it including my old lifestyle(partying, clubbing, drinking, dating etc). Though he says he wont mention my past to me or judge me based on who I was since I am a muslimah now, I am very skeptical if he will embrace me as who I am.

On top of that, Im not even sure if I can live up to all the expectations placed upon me not only from him, but also from his family... Can I handle being the only convert in his whole family? Will anybody be on my side when I make a mistake? Will I have to suppress what I think/want and do everything they expect me to? I get so scared when I think of what my life will be like.

Despite the fact that weve been doing extremely poorly, some part of me still wanna believe we could get through this. But for us to get there, there will be way too much obstacle to overcome and as of right now, I doubt if our love is strong enough to take us there.

We are running out of time and I have to make a decision now.
Anybody whos got the same experience or anything like mine, please help me out :(

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