Dear SL

Submitted by jennifer solis (United States), Dec 20, 2007 at 01:13

Dear SL,

You have my empathy! Yes, it is difficult to detach from an abusive man. I don't know your circumstances. All I know is that your e-mails are comming from Japan.

First of all, he WILL get upset!!!! That is something that goes along with breaking off this abusive relationship. I decided, in my situation, that it was worth it. Prepare yourself for that. If he cries, promises you the moon, etc., it is your job to remain calm and not fall, once again, for his words (talk is cheap).

I'll be blunt. My husband and I both worked for the same boss, and I knew that if I turned up dead my husband would be questioned.

Every situation is different, but bravery on the part of the woman is required in all. It is worth it.

If I were you, I would tell him in a public place, a restaurant, for example. That way the initial blow will be heard by him while he has to account for his behavior (in public). I personnaly would NEVER meet with him privately, anywhere, ever again.

Don't return his e-mails, etc. It is an absolute neccessity that when you tell him you want to terminate the relationship, you go into the decision with your mind made up, and don't, in your own soul, have ANY intention of going back.

Bravery and your MIND MADE UP is your weapon.

Going "back-and-forth" will encourage his hopes of controlling you, and it will frustrate and anger him.

Unless I'm very much mistaken, he is the type that when presented with a woman (you) who FOR SURE no longer wants a relationship with him, will go off and find a woman who is more submissive.

Not a day goes by that I am not thankful that I "took the bull by the horns" and said NO.

Within six months my ex moved in with a very "submissive" woman from his own country. He finnaly got what he wanted. To this day, they are married. You do not know how the future will go, but you CAN determine who you DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH. I thank God I made the decision I did.

Stay with friends, don't answer his calls, back up your decision with your actions and he will get the message. You have the rest of your freedom in this life to look forward to.

I wish you the best this life has. Sincerely, Jennifer Solis

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