A Perspective from a Couples Coach

Submitted by Deborah (United States), Dec 21, 2007 at 22:57

I believe you already know the answer to your question. You are dealing with a typical issue among couples called a Values Conflict.

You have your own specific values and he has his. Given that he is in conflict with his own values (hiding truths of his behavior from his parents...and he's a grown man?) is a HUGE red flag. This tells you that yes indeed, he will do what it takes to succumb to the pressure of his parents beliefs even at the risk of offending you or pushing you out of the family. In this hierarchy, you will suddenly find yourself coming in last on his list of importance.

When a woman is with a man, she must be able to trust him completely, without reserve, in order for her to be happy within herself about how she is living her life. You do not have this trust with this man, and what you don't have now, will not be better later, only worse, because now he has you as his wife.

Follow your instincts!!! And calibrate off of his behavior. If he has lost it as you say and stated the differences you have are too vast, then heed the warning. It's a message for you to let him go and move on.

Until, if ever, he is capable of becoming his own person and owning his personal power by standing his ground as a human being and a man with his parents, you have no basis for a balanced, healthy, mutually supportive and respective relationship.

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