warning signs to look for

Submitted by iskra (United States), Jan 11, 2008 at 01:10

I married a Muslim man, and he changed immediately -- for the worse. I should have seen the warning signs. I will post them (20/20 hindsight) in case they help.

1) "I love you. But I can't marry you unless you change a few things about yourself." (Examples: he wants you to dress more conservatively, learn to cook, convert, stop drinking alcohol, wear a hijab, or put your education/job on hold). Translation: He doesn't have a problem with a western girlfriend, but he's got an image of The Proper Muslim Wife in his head. Once you marry he'll keep pressuring you to change to fit the new mold.

2) "If you don't do XYZ, then my family/friends won't approve of my marrying you." Translation: He cares more about what others think, than about your happiness. And he doesn't care much what God thinks; he just wants to fit in with his culture.

3) He breaks Muslim rules himself (for example, he's fine with premarital sex; he wears whatever he wants) but is suddenly insisting that YOU stop having male friends or wearing shorts or drinking alcohol. Translation: he's a hypocrite. He'll use Islam just as a tool to oppress you.

4) He has a double standard for men and women. (Look at his actions here, not his words. For example, my ex was a devout Muslim but he pursued me sexually when we barely knew eachother. Meanwhile his sisters wear hijab and had arranged marriages.) Translation: He will always treat you worse than he treats himself, because deep down he believes that males deserve freedoms and females must live under strict rules.

Good luck.

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