raising muslim kids

Submitted by iskra (United States), Jan 12, 2008 at 23:29

Re: the question of what does it mean to raise Muslim kids -- of course I can't speak for all Muslim fathers, but I'll tell you my bitter experience.

First he said, "We can only have kids if you promise we can raise them Muslim." Since he seemed so committed to his religion and I believed his religion had made him the good, sweet guy I took him for, I agreed. I believed he would recognize my sacrifice and honor me for it.

Later he added the following demands:

--"The kids have to go to a Muslim school. That's the only way for them to really turn out Muslim here in America." The local Muslim school is a third rate institution, but that didn't bother him at all.

--"We have to spend summers in the middle east with my family, so the kids can be immersed in the culture and language and religion, not like what they see in America all the time." He didn't stop to ask whether I wanted to spend summers in a third world dictatorship surrounded by his five hundred cousins while three whiny children pulled at my skirt.

-- "I'm going to buy a house in my home country. It costs a hundred thousand dollars. Hope you don't mind; I've already signed the papers with my brother in law."

--"You can't take our two year old to the church daycare when you go to church on Sunday. My child should not set foot in a church, ever."

Instead of appreciating the sacrifice I'd made in agreeing to put his tradition ahead of mine in raising the kids, he held it over my head, constantly accusing me of backing out on my promise if I stood in the way of any plans he had for the kids. I hated the conflict and constantly felt like I had to appease him, while he demanded more and more control of every little thing.

I'm not saying it's always like that. What I will say is that my ex is actually a good man, or would have been, if he hadn't been destroyed by what was drummed into his head as a child: Islam is God's way; all others are hellbound. If your kids don't turn out Muslim, then you go to hell with them. America is a pit of evil and immorality, run by Jews and Christians who constantly try to pull Muslim kids off the True Path. And men are leaders of the family and make all decisions.

Good luck. Be careful.

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