thank you

Submitted by Annie (United States), Jan 19, 2008 at 09:36

Thank you for your support, it has been nice to read. I am still in the process of looking for a home, I do not have the choice of moving back with family as they are spread out from Colorado to New York, and I don't think that would be a good idea. For the past few days Rasim is being "old" Rasim the person I love, problem is I have seen this all before and now I don't trust it or him.

Did I tell you that he went to see a medical doctor because he wasn't sleeping well (now this has been a problem his entire life) the medical Doctor gave him a sleep aid said that it probably would not help because he didn't think this was the problem, well he was right it didn't help, he then told Rasim to go to Counseling since he is in a stressful enviroment Rasim made the appointment then didn't show, this was back in November/December. The doctor thinks he suffers from depression or is bi-polar I tend to agree.

Unfortunately you can't help someone who does not help themself. And although this may shed some light on his mood swings I don't believe this is all of it...Rasim has said things to me in anger "woman no your place" rambled on and on in Turkish, punched a hole in the wall, disrespected me and my family and has just done a multitude of things that I cant forgive nor put up with anymore, as I speak it is 9:25 am he was suppose to be at the school at 9 he will roll out of bed whenever, 10-11 or so and show up when he feels like it.

He got fired from a job on campus because he thought he could just show up when he wanted to and not show up without calling they put up with it three times and fired him (he told me he could not be fired when he was doing this because I told him he was going to get fired if he kept disrespecting his boss and the other employees by not showing up and not calling) and alas I was right. I am still horribly saddened by this entire thing although right now "anger" seems to be a better emotion for me to deal with and keep things focused in my head. the worst part about all of this is I don't believe now that he ever loved me and I haven't felt like he loved me in months.

I think he just wants someone here so he is not alone (he does not like to be alone at all) and this truly breaks my heart. I used to write off things he did as highly immature (which I still think they are) but now I just think he is a good "actor" When things were great they were wonderful, I could not have been happier, but now I just can't get sucked back in, not again it has been way to painful, and his coldnes is shocking. If I knew then what I knew now I can honestly say I would have NEVER married him.

Oh, and as far as getting pregnant I was pregnant and miscarried in the Fall. he was happy one day and hurtful the next and the very next day after my miscarriage he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was devastated, (later he told me he was just angry and saying bullshit things) but you know what anyone that could treat another human being like that after a traumatic experience is a heartless ......... Cold.....and uncompassionate excuse for a husband.

I have never forgotten all the cruel things he said during my pregnancy and afterwards. Funny thing though, to his parents he acts like we are the perfect couple, guess I'm not the only one he's lying too.

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