I can't believe that - I almost went through the same thing!

Submitted by Sakia (Canada), Jan 23, 2008 at 19:45

I was in Paris in October visiting my grandparents. One day I decided to go out on my own to do a bit of sight-seeing. As I was walking along a man started walking with me. He was handsome and well-dressed so I didn't really mind the attention. My French isn't all that great and when I told him I'm not from France he didn't seem to mind. He said that he just got off work and would like to walk with me.

It was getting late so I asked him to walk me to the metro so that I could go back home. As we were walking and talking someone called him on his cell and he started speaking in Arabic. I had no idea he was Arab b/c he looked very European. I was surprised and said "Oh, you are Arab?!" He hesitated and said "You speak Arabic??" I said no, I am from Iran (but I live in Canada) so I suppose it's easier for me to identify the language. When I said I was Iranian he seemed to relax and bit. He said that he had no idea I was Middle Eastern (I don't have typical Persian looks; green eyes, 6 feet tall, and very fair skin) and that he is Algerian.

Right away he asked me if I am Muslim or Christian. I am Muslim but not religious AT ALL and I don't know the first thing about Islam. He seemed pleased with my answer since he is Muslim as well.

He begged me to have a cup of coffee with him that day so I agreed. He is 26 and I am 24. He was very romantic and said very sweet things. He asked me for my number and I told him I don`t have a phone number in Paris. He wanted my number in Canada. I found that odd and the first thing I thought was that he probably was an illegal immigrant in Paris. I don`t know why that came to my mind. But I was attracted to him so I gave it to him.

When it was time to say goodbye he even asked to accompany me by metro and bus all the way home. I said okay. At one point on the way home he asked if he should buy pastries for my family. I didn't understand the relevance of this question until I was saying good-bye to him at the last bus stop. Apparently he thought that I was inviting him to stay the night at my family's home!

He got a little upset and I sensed that he thought I was using him. I told him that I am a very sincere person and would never use someone for a coffee and a ride home. He said he knows that and we said our good-byes. I was leaving for Canada in two days but I would be returning to Paris in Dec. to visit family again.

Four days after I arrived in Canada he called me. He called me a couple of times per week. I called him a total of two times in the two months we were speaking but he never picked up the phone. It didn`t bother me and I didn`t make anything of it. After 3 weeks he told me he loved me.

Also his English improved all of a sudden as he was able to ask me if I would like to spend an evening with him. I`m a traditional girl so that question sort of bothered me, especially since he could barely say "how are you" but was asking me to sleep with him in perfect English. Anyways, after that conversation I knew something was wrong but I also didn`t want to jump to conclusions.

In Dec. when I went to Paris again we met up. We had SOOOO much fun together. He began talking about marriage and how he loved me. He said that he wanted children with me. He asked me if I smoke or drank, which I don`t. He also loved the fact that I dress somewhat conservatively (I dress like any other person, jeans and a top). He took me to meet his cousin. When we got to his cousins apartment his cousin said a quick hi to me and left. I then realized that he brought me here to have sex with him. He started pressuring me and after a lot of pushing him off of me I told him I`m a virgin (which is true, i`m just waiting for true love). He was in shock mainly because I`m Canadian and he thought that we are all basically whores.

After this revelation he started pushing for marriage and children like crazy! He told me that he never felt this way before, and that he genuinely loves me, and that we will marry the next time I come to Paris and then we will move to Canada together. i realized then that i had presented myself as the perfect little muslim girl. He introduced me to his other cousins and friends.

I still had the feeling that there was something not right with him and so I started making things difficult for him. I told him that when we marry I will move to Paris because I love the city so much. I have no interest in living in Canada anymore, blah, blah, blah. I noticed a shift in his attitude. He then said that we will marry and live in Canada for a year and then move back to Paris. I told him no.

Then I asked him jokingly, what do you want me or Canada....he said that he want`s me first and then canada. so i knew then that canada was in his plans. i asked him if he will wait for me for about a year and then we can marry. he hesitated so i began my spiel on how all men are the same, they just want sex, and that he doesn`t really love me or he would wait until i was ready for sex.

It is amazing how correct our instincts can be. He finally came out and told me that he can`t wait for me because he doesn`t have papers and is living in Paris illegaly. i was disappointed because, even though i felt that something was wrong, the fantasy was ruined. But once he admitted it everything he had said to me in the past that I didn`t quite understand finally made sense (i.e. he told me he had proposed to an ex-gf but she said no because she wasn`t quite ready at the time so he ended the relationship. I asked him if he loved her and he said no. i was thinking, why did you ask a girl you weren`t in love with for marriage. now i knew why).

he continued to profess his love for me and told me he had to return to algeria for awhile and wasn"t sure when he would come back to paris. i asked him how he was traveling and he said he was using his brother`s documents. he gave me his address in algeria and told me he would send me a guest visa so that we can marry there (he all ready had my address in canada). at this point i was just listening to his story and actually felt quite sorry for him and how desperate he was. I had no intention of continuing a relationship with him. when we said our goodbyes he once again told me he loved me and that he wanted four children with me, he wanted to buy a home for us, etc. he told me to tell my parents that I want to marry an algerian man. LOLOLOLOL I am from the same culture and background as him. If he was serious about me he would tell them himself.

i haven`t heard from him since i returned in mid-january. i never called him and I don`t think he will call either. I think that either he realized that I am a extremely genuine person and he didn`t want to take advantage of me, he found someone else to try to fool, or he`s just waiting for me to call (to see if i am still interested). I even think that he may have had an algerian girl back home waiting for him (although I asked him if he told him parents about me and he said yes and they don`t have a problem with me being iranian).

I just want to tell everyone to trust your instincts! This guy was perfect in every way for me but in the end I couldn`t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Don`t get caught up in the fantasy. Muslim, Non-muslim, it doesn`t matter!!! I am Muslim....these guys are just looking for any way out of their situation and if they have to break a few hearts along the way, then so be it.

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