Marriage fraud - odd things you sweep under the rug

Submitted by Yasemin (Canada), Jan 25, 2008 at 23:13

You asked me what are the small strange things that make you slightly uneasy, but you think maybe you're overreacting and you sweep it under the rug. There were a million of these signs and i swept all of them under the rug or thought it was some other legitimate reason. Here's my list and you will see that any of these could be paranoia but when you add them up, they form a chilling realisation of a con artist master at work...

1) You arrive at the airport and he isn't standing there with the other people waiting to greet arrivals. Maybe he's in the restroom or outside having a smoke you tell yourself. But if you are a victim of marriage for money or a visa, what is more likely is that he's standing off in the background looking at you and making up his mind whether he wants to go through with this charade with you as the victim. In other words, he's deciding if he can stomach the acting for however long it takes to get what he wants.

Very creepy feeling when you realise that you were waiting and looking for him in the crowd and this is why he wasn't right there to meet you immediately when you came through the doors. Then much later i asked him What would you have done if i wasn't pretty enough when you first saw me ? His answer chilled me to the bone - he said I would have left you there in the Istanbul airport without saying hello. And he meant it. This was said at the time when i was becoming suspicious.

2) He tells you online the first time that he lives in Boston, then changes the story to having visited the USA then says he made it up. I thought he was trying to impress me because he gaves the impression he didn't know english but after only a short time - one year maybe - you notice his command of english - the fine details of stress and symbolism to give impact to words - seem to have been mastered by him magically. So maybe he was looking for an american woman and figured that a canadian wife would give easy access to the USA. Maybe he WAS living there once and the visa expired and now he needs a way back in.

3) The use of the word "I" not "we". "When I go to visit california, I am going to blah blah...". That was too obvious to miss or excuse because he was used to marriage already and using "we".

4) the unexplained absences - i worked all day and he was not working but for some reason always went out briefly at night to " get cigarettes". He had the whole day to do this. Then right after marriage he went out for over an hour and i knew in my gut it was a woman. He was calling the bride to be i am sure. I believe he had a woman even before he and i married and they were planning to get money and maybe a visa and then start life together. I know that right after he started the divorce a year ago, his lawyer told my lawyer that a marriage was being arranged. So there was a woman - just how long i'll never know. I believe they were a couple even on the day we married. I found women's slippers in my last home with him after having been away. He was either with her or the slippers were planted to make me start a divorce so he'd be free with no problem. Every night he never came to my work to escort me home and left me to walk in unsafe areas - maybe they were together. I thought he was just lazy.

5) Are you suddenly very ill or dizzy ? He might be drugging you if he knows your bank card pass number or worse yet, he may be planning to inherit your money by putting arsenic in your coffee. I was very dizzy in the evenings and thought it was a gas leak. He was never dizzy - i thought maybe he's stronger than me or used to this. I was violently sick with severe gastro-intestinal symptoms that almost had me in the hospital. I thought it was flu but why did it happen twice and right after i arrived ? he wanted me dead or wanted me to leave. I learned to put my card in a plastic bag then cover it with a towel and hang it on the clothesline - i couldn't change my pass til i got back home.

6) Why was the apartment he chose full of cockroaches ? He wanted me to wait in canada so he could be with his woman or other women. I thought he was just careless.

7) Why did he not give me a rose that first valentine's day? I thought he was too poor and too proud to admit it. Why did his cell phone have I love you written on it when you opened it ? I think a message to remind himself he was doing this for her.

8) Why did his passport arrive as part of the immigration application and it said he was single ? Why didn't he change his ID card to married status ? Why did he need to go to Germany right after the court when he thought he'd be granted a divorce but not even during holidays ? Not to visit his sister - more likely the woman lives there.

9) Why doesn't he teach you his language ? it's so you'll be helpless if he abuses you. I now know enough turkish to have gotten a criminal charge against him with the help of friends who know people.

10) Why doesn't he tell you your address ever ? Why is it you that has to ask for this ? Why doesn't he show you how to pay rent and utilities in case you need to do this ? because you'll be helpless and if he wants to abandon you, you will have to leave and go back home if you don't know anyone. Why doesn't he show you the lease ?

11) Why do you have to go to visit his family at night ? because they don't want the neighbors to see what's going on, especially if they know about a woman or other wife.

12) Is there a gap in the timeline he gave you ? Maybe he was doing something he hides.

13) Does he suddenly snap at you ? It's because he is waiting for you to die or leave so he can marry the woman

14) Does he antagonize you so you'll lash back at him in an email ? Don't send that email - he might be saving them for the divorce case he has planned. Does he start an argument out of the blue then storm out ? he wants to go be with her.

If he plans to kill you and you're not sure and want to know him better, then in the meantime watch out for how you cross streets - don't cross at blind corners. And if you separate, don't tell him where you live or maybe one night, you'll find a black widow in your room as i did. And at that point you will wonder if he put it there through the open window or are you now crazy ?

There was more - so much more....

I have studied con artists and have learned that they are able to become anyone you want them to be in order to get what they want. Do you really know if his interest in philosophy is a story or a lie ? Watch him carefully. Don't leave any stone unturned. There is a book i want to read that says in the west we are supposed to be open to all these wonderful cultures and we are fooled because they now also look like us - westernized. What we don't know is the underbelly of a world much colder and harsher than what we know. A world where people are objects to throw away. Not psychopaths - just doing what is considered usual to survive. My husband is now fat and indulges in his taste for expensive toys and stylish clothes - working at the job i found for him. Hi suleyman - how do you like the fame you are achieving ? Hopefully soon he will be in prison for assault and also passport fraud and maybe even the bigamy.

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