WoW! Many responses to many different questions and experiences

Submitted by leilani (United States), Jan 28, 2008 at 13:51

I have no comments to make to anyone here because I am involved with a Moroccan. myself. I can see that some of us on this site are very vulnerable to the many queries of love and someone wanting to be with someone. It is all very hard for some of us who let our hearts guide us. I do not make judgements on anyone for what they feel or want to acheive from whatever race or religion. All I can say is that I have to judge myself for what I will do next.

I met a Moroccan back in 2006 from the town of Erfoud. Like many of the comments made on this site. I , too, have my doubts. I never had an internet relationship until I met M.O. Some of the comments made here sounds very much the same for most of the lines used by my so called lover. I have gone to visit him 3 times and just got back from visiting him. I have been holding on to the visa applications since 2007 and just have not had the "guts " to send it in. I have many doubts in me that may not be coming from him , but mostly my being careful in making this choice. I have made 2 bad decisions about previous men in my life , but they were not from Morocco.

So far, my lovers family accepts me. When they ask me , if I will convert to Islam, I say maybe. I have discussed this subject with my lover and told him I have no intention of converting until my children are out of the house (2) and that I will fully embrace Allah for myself and not for him or his family. With that said, no more questions asked. The reason I mentioned my children is because I have raised them in a Christian environment. Why leave them in Christianity , when I was the one who taught them to follow Christianity? I will let them decide what religion they want to be as adults. I made this choice for them and I will back it up until they are ready to go off on their own. I just wanted them to know God and embrace him.

Some good things I like about my lover is that he is kind, giving, affectionate (yup), does most things I want him to do for me, easy to talk to, and he makes me laugh most of the time. He speaks english and several other languages. I can see that he will be in shock with the new culture. He is poor, but so am I. I am richer in other ways........life. We both have shared a poor life growing up. We both know what it is like to be poor and to want. He is younger than I am, but he looks up to me as if I am the smarter person in this relationship. He is amazed at my worldliness. He is smart , too. We both respect each other very much. Of course, it has gone through my mind that he may change later on. I have to go slow on this one.

I have not had too many negative experiences , while being in Morocco. He and I had arguments, but what couple does not have one or many? We are able to regroup after we say what we were feeling and drop it. He gives up his praying, when I come there. I have told him on many occasions is it because I am dirty in his eyes and he says no...he is the one who is dirty. HMM! We discussed just exactly what he meant because it pissed me off. I told him don't try to let me off easy by saying what he said.

I made it very clear to him that I do not have to be used as an excuse for his refusal to pray. I asked him, did you not pray after you have had sex with a prostitute in the past? He said, "oh I take a shower." What the hell does that mean? I told him , "what the shower is not good enough for you to wash in , when I am here?" I asked him about his past sexual experiences and I was told about the "bitches" as he referred to them. Sorry I had to mention this , but some of us here may think our partner is innocent ...... most of them are not. For those of us who know they are not.......great!

I noticed that he is torn between his religious beliefs and want to so much to move away from it. I know his dedication to his religion , country , and family is very strong. I do not try to pull him away from any of those. My cultural background is strong , too. I am Hawaiian and we are very head strong in our beliefs of ourselves, practices, and islands. Traditionally, both of us suffer from having this division, but we are making it work. He is getting the big picture of how his life will change. By the way, I have read the quran and seem to know more about the quran than he does. I ask him many things and he has to consult with the leader of the mosque or family members. I have to laugh. I read most everything about his culture and he really did not have a hard time teaching me many of their habits in Morocco. I adapted very easily and I do not turn my nose up to what they eat, practice or live by.

One more thing I do want to share is that he does show affection to me in front of his friends and family. I know it is prohibited. In the beginning we did not do the affectionate part, but on my last two trips he was more open about it. We are not slobbering over each other or anything, but he does put his arms around me and kisses me (pecks) in front of his family. They are an open family. I tell him not to do it and he says that I am the one he will have to live with and whatever mistake is being made.......he is the one that they will place blame on. Even, when I am the one making the mistake.

I just wanted to share my side of the story without placing any blame or stereotypes on the Moroccan man. I can only speak of the man I am with. If there are any bad experiences, I know what to do. Some women on here have posted and actually answered their own questions of their bad experiences. Please be careful everyone even someone like me is vulnerable to some of the tricks and trades of the internet love affair.

I would like to send my personal thanks to Daniel Pipes for having this site. I am sure it has given some us the truth that can set us free and a place to share our experiences.

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