food for thought

Submitted by Annie (USA) (United States), Jan 31, 2008 at 17:47

I just got done reading your post and had to kind of laugh as it reminded me on some parts of me and my husband. I will only say this (and I am married to a Turkish man), I too was married before and have a son. with that being said, as the relationship progressed and we got married something I had never seen in all the time we dated was his temper.

I did however see it after we married, and the words he would use referring to my ex husband were very unkind and highly immature. So I would just make sure that relationships of the past are off limits in your relationship now. Now my husband and I went through a rough patch not to long ago I am not sure what is going on now, but suddenly he is charming and sweet.

Maybe he realized that I had enough and was about to leave (still am not sure if I will stay with him) or maybe he is growing up a bit, either way I think the culture and the way they are raised, my husband was use to being around males and such, just the culture so when he came to the US he realized it was not this way, that if your married husbands pretty much hang out with there wives etc.... it is not a predominatly male socialization. I believe this also added to stress in the relationship, he missed his home, his male comradery, it is a lot to digest.

Now in all honesty he told me he would never ask me to live in Turkey, life is to hard, and I would be unhappy (not that this was ever an option) so it is not just a cultural thing but I believe that is a big part of it. and if you two met on the net, make sure to break his computer (old habits are hard to break) lol and he will not want you on the computer when he is not around...they can be very jealous that is an emotion they equate with love. Good luck and I really hope it works out for you.

Annie (USA)

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".