thanks for agreeing sister Yasemin...

Submitted by FARRAH (United States), Feb 3, 2008 at 22:27

Understand us Lisa...First, ask all & every question that you have...I wish I knew about this forum months ago...I'm sure it would have saved me many tears. We have seen the road you are wanting to travel...

all I am saying is there is a "sharp curve" ahead that you can't see. #1 main thing is that in these cultures the children OBEY the parent next to God/Allah. Their "image" social standing is the next. THEY WILL NEVER BRING SHAME ON THEIR FAMILY, EVER! Marriage arrangements are made when a male child shows that he has a promising future {i.e. no mental illness}. The object is to bring together 2 families or to strengthen the family {marrying cousins}. That's it!! Of course women are educated there & have professional careers BUT the REALITY is they still must be beautiful/fair complexion and submissive personality.

Remember boys & girls are NEVER left alone together. The man falls HARD for a glimpse of his neighbors daughter and that bond stays w/them. The men in these countries if they do not do well in school they MUST become wealthy businessmen. If they have no money they will/must get it elsewhere for the dowry for their bride...so ,many want to come to the land of opportunity...America! How they get here?? By any means neccessary. Many marry us! Many switch ID's w/ family members to make it here...etc.

Remember if your fiancee is under 40 & never married THERE IS SOMEONE WAITING FOR HIM. It is not NORMAL for man to be alone w/o children during those years. If he is over 40 I am sure he is more sincere BUT that means for some reason HE is not good quality by his countries standard or he really has a wife. My friend reminded me of something ...In America we want/expect everything so FAST!! Who would WAIT for someone 3-5 years whilst they married someone else?? THOSE young women WILL!! Remember what me & Yasemin said...marriage takes place in Mosque in front of Imam.

Our civil ceremonies mean nothing! Only allows them to have sexual relations as they have "married" according to law of the land that they are in. But they only follow the laws of Islam. So yes, they more than likely have "lawful" wife waiting in the wings. See my recent post. I am now insisting my husband marry me in Mosque. Let's see what happens on that one...

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