more odd things you can easily miss

Submitted by yasemin (Canada), Feb 5, 2008 at 13:22

This post is to add to the odd things list i am making for women considering a relationship with one of these men. The middle east is a patriarchal society and so knowing this, you don't notice when he takes charge of many things. Missing these things can be your downfall. There were so many odd things that i excused or missed because of the infatuation and not knowing the culture.

1) Re cell phone purchases. We went together to buy cell phones and he put his name as the owner of both. I thought he was just doing things quicker that way. One day i needed to call the consulate because he had been choking me. The phone was dead - he had cut off the phone service and i couldn't reinstate service !! Much later when the divorce had started but we were together to have lunch and talk about issues, i was purchasing a new phone. He actually tried to put his name down again as owner. I threw a fit and stopped him. They have a way of taking charge that makes your brain go numb is you are being abused but i stood up to him that time.

He never fully explained the pay phone system to me so it was very hard for me to learn on my own with limited Turkish. I knew no one there at that time.

Leases - Always get an apartment together, don't let him get one before you come. Make sure you aren't listed as a garantor on the lease. Make sure you are listed as a tenant - both for your protection and for divorce court where he can say you never lived together.

Re: the way he answers questions about his family - are his answers very brief and vague for basic questions such as father's occupation ? I'm now guessing dad works for the mafia.

Re emails - Keep a secret email account for business and personal emails. You don't want him to have access to family and friends' info because he can then blackmail and threaten you with this. They CAN hack your email - it happened to me and i am sure it was him because the secret question was a new one in turkish. Be very careful what you say in emails and chats - you may be the joke at his internet cafe amongst his buddies. He may very well be sharing your words around town.

Bet you're saying your muslim guy isn't like that. I said that too....they are foxes offering candy and you are nothing more than a tool. bet you're starry-eyed and love the world. I was like that. Had it beaten out of me fast when the money and visa didn't come through and the marriage to the wh... started.

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