Patriarchy

Submitted by Involved with a Turk (United States), Feb 6, 2008 at 17:51

I have to laugh a little in response to your comment.. by no means do I intend to make light of your situation or what you went through, but just in that I have known MANY american men to do just this.

My ex husband was hacking, and STILL hacks into my emails, and my other accounts.

He tried blackmailing me and he has raised his hand to me.

He also tried to kill himself to get me to come back to him.

So yeah.. I really think that men are like this everywhere... you have to take the good with the bad.

The difference is, in their culture, they HAVE control. In America, men share control to a point.

You commented in another post about meeting the friends.. I have met my Turk's friends... however he lives in a more americanized part of the country.. a lot of what you see depends greatly on where in the middle east they are from.

Turkey is rather mixed when it comes to their religion.. correct me if I'm wrong, but I've noticed the more wealthy they are, the more "free" they are...

I talked to one Turkish guy before my current boyfriend, who was all sweet and nice, romantic, loving, but within two weeks of talking to him he would get very very angry quickly.. example.. I would be talking to him and have to go to the grocery store. He would demand to know how long I would be gone.. and if I wasn't back EXACTLY when I said I was going to be.. he got irate.... i quit talking to him within a week.

Love struck?? Nahh.. I've known my turk for a year and a half. And we were friends for 9 months before we got together, so that's why I am here, to learn about the experiences that others have had with muslim men, to gain insight, to prevent myself from having the wool pulled over my eyes to the point where I am being scammed for money or a visa, which I have rule out as his motives... I think the only motive he could possibly have would be using me to have a child/children.... but I'm not sure what that would gain him..

In fact, the more I read about these experiences, the more I realize how genuine my Turk is... he's not perfect by any means, no man or woman is. But he doesn't get angry if I'm not back on time, he doesn't get angry if I don't talk to him for two days at a time, he doesn't get angry if I disagree with him. He shares his life, and his day to day activities with me, much like an American man would... he talks to me and even tells me what he is doing at work...

that in itself is different from what most of these experiences portray. So for that, I am thankful.. I think I may have actually gotten lucky here. Only time will tell, but believe you me, and I love this man, but if for whatever reason, I see anything that remotely gives me the sense that he is like some of these others, he can kiss my a**. ;)

I left my husband of 12 years for these reasons, and I'm not about to go through it all again.

I do want to ask tho.. Imam marriages versus state recognized??? So what is more typical for them? If they were marrying a muslim girl.. which would be more likely to occur, and which marriage would be more likely if they were genuine in their motives??

If a muslim man truly wants to spend the rest of his life with an American/Christian woman, what marriage is most likely to take place? I only ask because you said that your's was recognized by their state... so why would an Imam marriage have any significance, other than for religious purposes? Is it common for them to have two ceremonies?? One by an Imam and one for the state recognition, in say a traditional relationship between two muslims. I'm a bit confused in this regard..

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