Von

Submitted by Sakia (Canada), Feb 14, 2008 at 10:33

Hi Von,

Please trust your instincts. If you feel that something isn't right and that things don't add up, question him over and over again. If this guy may potentially be your future husband, then you have every right to know exactly who you're getting involved with.

This might sound awful, but when I met my Algerian friend in Paris the first thought that came to my mind is that he might have some issues with his papers. I tried to put that out of my mind but as I was speaking with him there were small things that he would say or his reactions to things I would say that did little to put me at ease.

It was at that moment that I had decided I would not be taken for a ride. I would make things a little difficult for him in order to get to the truth. I would not be my usual overly polite/overly considerate self. I would not allow myself to be swept away by his words (this guy really knew how to sweet talk!) and I also wouldn't try to make excuses for his behavior. In my case it worked. He came out and told me he was living in Paris illegally. Although, he maintains that he truly loves me but why would I want to be with someone who initially tried to fool/use me?

Please question your friend. If he is sincere he should not have problems answering you. Also, you said that you want something to surface to help you walk away. That something may never surface, especially if he lives in another country. You have to be the one doing the digging. Don't wait until you're in deeper with him b/c it will be more difficult and confusing later on.
Sakia

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