OK

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Feb 23, 2008 at 03:02

In ANY relationship, you need to talk about religion. It's not going to be the most comfortable subject, but if you do move in together or get married, he may expect you to convert even if he doesn't practice, as he says. It's a good idea to do this because if you have kids, you'll want to decide on what religion (if any) to raise them BEFORE marriage. And Islam has strict rules about raising children as Muslims.

I think one of the biggest mistakes in distance relationships is that people get married too quickly, or they marry thinking they can change the person, and that's where all the problems start after marriage. That's how a lot of these green card scams go. They marry you, learn english, and then leave. I think its good you are keeping this in mind.

I can see why you want to go to Turkey: to get to know him better. But, what I would say is that be sure you can still come home for sure without a big legal deal, because it sounds like you're not 100% sure about this working out, and that's really not a bad thing to be prepared. It's just some women on here say "Well, I'm moving to X country to MARRY a man, BUT just in case, I've got a back-up plan if things don't work out." I mean, if you have doubts about a marriage that you need a back-up plan, it says you don't trust the other person which is essential for a marriage! It just doesn't make sense. A lot of people say "It can't happen to me" until it finally does.

I would just keep in mind that Turkey is different from the UK culturally. The big concern that stands out to me is that he gets jealous easily when you talk to other men. I think this is something you need to talk about. In Islam it is sometimes inappropriate for women who are in a relationship or married to interact with other males. The idea is stop any chance of adultery. The extreme end is in a place like Saudi Arabia, where you can be arrested for dining with a male friend if you are married. This actually happened recently to an American woman there.

I don't think that Turkey is that strict, but even if he doesn't practice his religion, he may still expect you to not interact with other men. In fact, you mention him having you cook and clean as punishment, that's a more conservative lifestyle (you don't have to be religious to live like that either), and I think that you also need to discuss that with him. It sounds like he's kind of smothering you, and if you don't confront it, it's going to get worse. I know that because I am a guy, and people just don't change easily.

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