You're not the only one.

Submitted by Ferdiad (Canada), Mar 2, 2008 at 05:58

I saw your comments, and I wanted to let you know that you're not the only one with weirdness with them changing their minds.

I'm a gay and I was with a non-religious muslim man - so I thought. He asked me to be with him after knowing him for over a year we were extremely close friends, and when we were officially together we had a good 3 months, and then he stopped doing anything and I was slaving for him. Which I don't mind if it's appreciated,but it became expected.

I asked for more emotional support, if we were to continue being together. Then he said we were never together. He behaves that like we're together, everyone else things we are together based on his behaviour. This confused me, so I asked him what about all those times we discussed X, Y, & Z. He said he didn't remember. I sent him emails about stuff we talked about and he said he thought I was joking.

Ultimately, I think there is a high tendency to have an idea of what they think they are, versus how they actually behave. There is some sort of disconnect. I also found there is a superiority complex that they are better than us. Especially if they are living in another country because only the smartest and brightest get to leave their countries of origin therefore they are used to being treated quite highly. I've also found there is a tendency for extreme pride to the point of sin.

In current situation with the lad, he now says he wants me to be his best friend, yet I don't hear from him. I've reached out, but nothing. So there is really nothing for me to be a friend to, and I believe such things should be mutual anyways.

So I'm at a complete loss.

As a generalization, I can say the people are extremely warm (from Turkey), and the men may have boundary issues therefore it appears that you may be together, but it's important to get clarification; because I was quite shocked by my situation.

Try to get them to admit it publically to your friends, and their friends that you're together to make it real. In my situation he always said he was shy and didn't want to bring it up in public.

Bottom line, if someone is "with" you they should be proud to be with you, and try to intergrate you as much as possible into their lives, if they are not - this should raise a red flag.

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