to Ferdiad

Submitted by Mary (Ireland), Mar 3, 2008 at 19:56

Hi Ferdiad,

Sorry to hear you were in situation similar to mine with the inconsistent-ness of this type of personalitiy. you are right about the disconnect..........which i sometimes felt too. this is a personality trait also, i dont want to blame islam or muslims, just in my case he kept saying he didnt want religion to be a problem, but then would use it as an excuse saying he felt guilty.........but continued to be with me so what was i supposed to do.....

after falling in love with him i found it very hard to walk away and why should i when he cleary wanted to be with me. and i wanted to be with him. this was somthing i was willing to work hard for, but after trying a few times i was emotionally drained as i think i was the one compromising and his detached and laid back attitude was too much.......

you're right about the getting them to publicly announce youre together as i would want to publicly announce to all my friends if i was with someone who i really liked. some people just have different personalities, and my downfall is giving people chances and not judging but i would rather give people chances than be a heartless b............

we were going to announce to his parents that we were together but i think it was too much for him, he is from a very traditional background so it would be hard for him to do this......i'm not backing up for him but i know of similar situations its not uncommon for the parents to want them to marry a muslim woman from their own country

i was in a similar situation to yours before in another relationship. we were together for 8 months before it was clear to me that he had no intentions at all of anything serious between us and some of the things he said to me shocked me. he said "i never acted as your girlfriend" when he DID i didnt imagine it..................and i had the text messages to prove he did.........its like they just throw everything at you like a defense mechanism to escape...........

some people are like this and are very hard to figure out.......because i believe they also dont know what there doing. so dont beat yourself up over the guy you were with .i did, and you know what, the best thing i ever did was walk away from him. and he did contact me again and i just ignored him, it was the best thing for him............so your guy is probably gutted if you're not his best friend and sometimes the only way to teach them the lesson that they have done something wrong is to ignore them................

thanks for taking the time to write...................and i wish you the best of luck in love !!!

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