Re; Lizzie

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 5, 2008 at 15:55

Thanks for the response, Lizzie.

First of all, what people on here need to understand is that this a group of adults, not something like Y! Answers or a facebook group. DanielPipes is a solid blog, with sound people who think about what is going on.

If you want someone to tell you "it will all work out because of true love" like on some fantasy Disney movie, then you won't find it here, because most of us have seen the bitter end of things, and it happens more often than naught.

In Cindercats case, she was appalled that this was not a support group. Others have been as well. One person on here even kept defending her Moroccan man for months, and then he changed, and turned against her, and she came back on here asking for advice. The problem I had with cindercats story was the guy fell in love with her after a few hours of conversation. Would you fall in love, Lizzie, if a guy talked to you for a few hours, in say a bar?

You say that her story inspires you. What about the all others on here? Are they not equal because they just didn't work out?

No one is on here to compromise your decision-making status as an adult, we're just trying to make it so that you don't come back on here in 12 months and tell the tale of woe. Many of us just ask the hard questions and test your conclusions.

I have to tell you, Lizzie, your assertation that dating sites are a good thing doesn't support any facts. For pleasure and business, I did that whole deal for eight years, from general dating to adult sites to Catholic matchmaking, and EVERY single person I talked to was either fake or lied to me. There were NO exceptions.

Of course, the dating sites will feature couples who have worked out, but with these scams, most of the problems start AFTER marriage. If you walk away from here today, PLEASE remember that. I"ve seen it from Saudi and Moroccan men to Russian, Nigerian or Latino women. The men often downplay their religion, realizing it could be a problem, but once they marry, poof! They expect the woman to wear a burka and be a subserviant wife. Some of the men are already married and looking for another wife.

A lot of women who date these men say "no no they are tolerant." And I always challenge them to ask the guy how he would earnestly feel if a woman from his family married a Catholic guy from Portugal or Italy, converted, and moved there and raised the kids as Christians. If he doesn't approve, then it's a double standard.

With the Russian women, it's mostly men middle-aged men who think they are all that because they marry a teenage Russian girl, bring her over, and then she focuses on learning English or getting a liscense, and she's gone. 70% of those marriages fail. Sometimes, it doesn't even get that far, sometimes, the dating agency takes your money and runs with it. With Nigerian and Latino women, it usually doesn't even get to a point of meeting. Instead, they convince the guy to send them money, and they are gone.

I started out on that for personal reasons. The first woman I met lied to me about having a kid, the second I actually dated for two years, only to find out she was having cybersex with other men every other night that she met on myspace...on the computer I had brought for her. Talk about irony. She was so addicted to that thing that I wasn't even worried one bit she would meet a guy in real life and cheat on me, and she never did. Everyone of them came from on-line meetings.

The third was in another relationship a week after our first date. The rest were women who stole pictures of models, fell in love with me after the second e-mail. One of them was from Suriname and wanted to meet me in a remote region in Mexico.

The thing is Lizzie, people get into a lot of trouble in these cases. People have lost thousands, or even gotten killed for doing this. The fact that a guy is even ON the internet looking for love says a lot in of itself.

The big problem with on-line dating sites is that they will screen sites as little as possible, because they get profits from hits and number of users. These scams will continue so long as they don't block e-mail addresses or track IP addresses. They simply tell you that dating someone 20 years your senior or that someone who asks for money is a warning sign. But,I would worry if a younger foreign guy shows interest in a woman who is older and has kids. The scammers view these as hard-luck cases, and a Moroccan-man based dating agency was busted not to long ago in TN, and the group used that same strategy: Get hard-luck case women and divorcees, set them up, and away we go!

The whole distance thing is nothing new. It may seem like it, but the reality is people have done this over the phone before computers were even around, and that was bad enough. This just takes on a whole new dimension.

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