Re: feelinsad

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 10, 2008 at 19:35

No, no, you're not stupid. The big difference here is you are in a relationship in person and a green card isn't an issue, it's the loyalty.

If this guy is gone 2 nights out of the week, you can bet real money something bad is going on. If he's playing around on the internet, that's also a bad sign, and my first reaction is that he is seeing someone else behind your back.

I don't think he's only playing when he tells someone else you two are sex buddies, I think he means it because he wants the other girl too. Just look at what he does: doesn't come home, fools around on-line, these are always bad signs.

I dated a girl who did this once. We met on-line, started dating in person, and the entire time, she was cheating on me. I was always concerned about it, and she was so addicted to that internet that I never once worried about her meeting a man at college and cheating, but over the internet. Sure enough, she was having cybersex with a different guy each week.

The trick that people like that use is to cloud the parameters of your relationship. What your man is doing is what I call pseudo-committment. It means that he'll butter you up to the point where he can get you to trust him enough to sleep with him, give him money or whatever but WITHOUT saying you are officially committed. That way, he can go and mess around with someone else, if he gets caught, he'll just shrug and say "we aren't REALLY together." That's where the whole sex buddy thing comes in.

That's what happened to me years ago in that relationship. She basically acted like we were a couple, but only enough to get what she wanted---in her case, it was money.

I don't think you are stupid or a whore or anything like that by any means, and you have to be pretty brave these days to risk a serious relationship with someone.

My advice is to move on to someone else. The thing is, feelinsad, he's not going to change. My girl told me she would change and seek therapy and all that, but a therapist who really cares about you will often tell you things you don't want to hear or do.

I think you can do a lot better than him, and I don't think he really loves you. I know it's not easy to do, believe me, I have been there before, and it's hard especially when you are close physically like that. But, ask yourself: in your heart of hearts, can you seriously be happy with someone who is unfaithful?

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