hi Lisa

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 21, 2008 at 14:31

Dear Lisa:

First, I appreciate your sensitivity to my situation, and it just goes to show what a kind, caring person you are. Some folks seem to think I am bitter or angry because of it, but it was a long time ago, and I've moved on, and the reason I share that is because when you are in these types of situations, it's easy to feel like you're a slut or stupid or inferior and that this only happens to you. But, I try to get the point across that this is VERY widespread, and not limited by culture, religion, or gender.

I can relate to the fact that you want closure by seeing him cheat on you, but I would weigh this over very carefully for two reasons:

1) Ask your innermost self: Is this an excuse just to be with him longer because you love him?

2) I think it could be VERY painful if you actually saw what was really happening as he did it.

In my situation, it was bad enough seeing what she was doing on the internet. When I first discovered it, I was absolutely appalled, and I had to log into her e-mail to see what she was doing. It was late at night, and I was so mad, that I text-messaged her the exact conversations she had with other men.
She was very angry, and was more worried that her privacy had been violated than my feelings, and she actually slept with someone else over it from what I could gather.

The thing is, Lisa, it seems to me like there's plenty of evidence he's cheating. Condoms? Pregancy tests?

You're not going to like what I am about to say, but my BIGGEST concern here is that when you do leave him, he may all of sudden turnover like an hourglass and come after you with apologies, flowers, and begging for forgiveness and swearing he'll never do it again. He obviously knows his way around with deceit and trickery, and he might throw every trick in the book to get you back. This is common among all men.

And you may respect him because he is older and has more life experience, but I don't believe he truly cares for you. I thought that my woman cared for me, but it turns out, she was cheating on me ever since we had gotten together. I'm really beginning to wonder here if he ever had any intention of treating you well. It's actually pretty rare for a guy who is in his mid-late 20's to show genunine romantic interest in a fifteen year old (it's also illegal in many places), if I may speak frankly.

What I would do is to get out of there as soon as possible. I know that you feel alone, and I can see how your family wouldn't approve of a relationship with a much older man, but I would be very surprised if they left you out to dry. Just don't be afraid to rely on them, and if you explain what happened, I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back.

The thing is, you are only 17 and are already out on your own. That's just unheard of these days in our society, and in fact, I know of people who in their 20s and 30s who still live with their parents, so it's a real testament on your part as to how mature you are. Others may see you as young, naive and stupid, but the reality is, you were just taken advantage by a very selfish person. I think it's really hard for a lot of people who are of good character to even imagine how selfish some people are.

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