for Susan

Submitted by lani (United States), Mar 23, 2008 at 16:29

I will be honest with you Susan and recommend that no one do this and I would not recommend this. Anyways, I met a Moroccan man 3 years ago on the internet. We started our relationship rather quickly and I went to him in 4 months after meeting on the internet. I was introduced to all his friends and family right away and we both paid for my trip evenly. Which was a good thing. What I did is not brave.........it is stupid because it may have not worked out as wonderfully as it did for me. So, by no means do any of you do this.

I did not marry him, yet. Are you planning to live in Morocco, after marrying him? I suggest you think about this very long and hard.

Most of the women I know , who married someone there plan to live there on a constant basis without the man leaving his country. That is the reason they married there in the first place. Make sure you have something that says you can leave the country (signed by your husband), when you want to. Once you are married to them you better make sure you are ready for how the man may change. He will make more time to be with his friends instead of you. It is not because he does not love you, but that is part of their upbringing as a man. You will feel lonely because the relationship has changed from one you felt so much love to one that you feel unloved.

The culture difference is what is happening. For me, I see it first hand happening not just to newly married foreign women , but also to the women who live there. The women there ignore it and live their lives loving their children. As for me and my bf, I am going to marry him in the USA. I constantly speak my mind about our culture differences, but it does not mean that he is willing to abide and change his ways. I am doing all the paper work on this side and paying for majority of it. I do have work lined up for him in a profession he has no idea of what to do. My good friends here in the USA are all willing to help me to help him. I will make him pay for all the paper work and wedding , when he does have a job. This is only me and I do not recommend to anyone to be as kind as I am and willing to be trustful.

I have been through a lot with this man. I do send him money, but he is not asking me for it , when he is going on a trip. I do not send it every time he asks. He does not get mad , if I do not. He just says , he understands. I do not have to explain myself over and over my reasons for not sending money. I send money for his family once in a while, when I am feeling generous. But most times, I do not like to send money and I do not. So, do not send him money. Your man is old enough and can find some means of work. He is not that helpless or hopeless. His friends he hang with will help him with money. They all do. So , don't think he has to walk around and be begging. He is fine. He will have fun whether you are there or not.

Susan, I think you can do better in finding another man. Besides that, you do not need to be doing for someone who is definitely not doing for you. About the ring thing. My bf wears his ring all the time. He gets mad at me for not wearing mine. We have gotten engaged on this last trip to Morocco. I been there 3 times for long periods of time. Each time , I go there my bf does get a little different.... like I mentioned earlier. He hangs with the boys , but always tells me where he is going and doing. I know it is part of his routine and willing to accept it. That is why I told you to get ready for the change. I know he loves me, but the tables will soon turn in a few months , when he comes to live here with me. I do not expect him to change over nite, but it will give him more insight of who I am and what my culture is about. I have to say, living the Hawaiian way may surely make him feel at home. We (he and I) are a little similar in culture with some things. We ( people of Hawaii) are tolerant with cultural differences because there are many different cultures living side by side here. But that doesn't mean there will be no problems.

I just think your man has you thinking that he loves only you. At least my bfs family check in on me and want to know how I am doing. Bottom line is you know him better and you can see already that he is not treating you well. I hope you will find and make the best choice. It was not easy for me to be in this relationship, but time has mellowed me out and seeing more of his actions in person has helped me to have more trust. Think hard before marrying him. My bf wants me to come and live with him, if he does not get a visa. Even that is not a guarantee that all is well. Just go easy and slow. Most of all protect yourself and ask many questions. Fight for what is right , girl. Later on may be too late.

I hope my story has given some idea how it may possibly be for you. I can only share my side of the story and that it is of help to you. Good luck to you and stay safe.

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