Dear Sarah

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 30, 2008 at 21:01

hello !

Well, the thing about ANY romantic relationship, is that there is risk involved.

I don't know if you are having a on-line relationship or one in real life, but if it's on-line the signs that it's moving too fast and that you have doubts regarding religion are red flag warning signs.

Even in real life, those are issues. Couples really need to take the time to talk about religion and not just wait until they are married. I know that you're young and only started "seeing" this man, and I don't know how many posts you've read or had a chance to read on here, but religion is a pretty sensitive issue for a long-term relationship. The worst thing you can do is ignore it, and a lot of times, that's what these men want. They want to hide their TRUE feelings about religion because they know they can't net a Western women if they are all pious.

This is especially true day, because I see it all the time on here and elsewhere: People will enter international relationships, think they are in love and that everyone else is getting scammed but they've magically found the one person who isn't a scammer, and carelessly think that they can CHANGE the other person. It just doesn't happen, and the success rates of this clearly reflect that.

You may have noticed the heading on the blog: that the Church advises women NOT to date Muslim men, simply because BOTH Catholics and Muslims REQUIRE that children be raised in their faith. You really won't hear much objection from the Islamic side of things, because as Ibrahim Hooper of CAIR says: For us, it is not a problem, because most of the relationships are Islamic men with other women, and they either convert or raise thier children as Muslims. He's right in reference to Europe, and honestly, Sarah, I've studied this to a degree recently, and even the most ardent feminists in the West are yielding to Muslim customs. They are more than willing to roll up their sleeves and challenge Christianity or Judaism, but when it comes to Islam, they are silent.

I once dated a woman who was agnostic, and I was stupid enough to think I could change and win her over to salvation. Or so I thought, but the real reason I was, I was happy to be with a girl who was pretty and different. I was decieving myself, and much to my shame, she ended up changing me more in the relationship than I her. It's pretty ironic, and I was astounded to find out that it's usually the other way around: if change happens the girl gives in. Not so much because she agrees, but she does so out of love and wants, above all, a decent family life and it's important to her man, regardless of what God thinks.

So you see, even with the conversions, they are done mostly to make the relationship smoother, not because they've had a discovery of a new faith and will walk in it's way.

My advice to really consider moving on. I can see that your faith is very important to you, and this man just isn't going to change, and it really wouldn't matter if he were an atheist. People just don't change, and it's quite foolish to think you can change them.

I'm not saying you are by any means, but I know of a lot of Catholic women who have dated men of other religions and will no longer settle for anyone who isn't Catholic. And we're not talking about a different Christian denomination. Islam and Christianity are two seperate faiths. One accepts Jesus as Lord and Saviour, the other doesn't.

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