another turkish man

Submitted by KK (Greece), Apr 11, 2008 at 03:43

Hi, I suppose I have to ask one of these questions too. I sure hope that my situation is not like some on this site, but I guess I need an outside observer to tell me for sure. I am a 20 year old American living in Athens, Greece for a semester abroad. A few months ago I traveled with some friends to Istanbul, and while I was there I met this incredibly handsome Turkish man who is 22. We went to dinner a few times, and he took me to a museum as our first date.

I thought at the end of the trip that would be it, but I couldn't get him out of my head so I went back for Spring Break a few weeks later. I hadn't told him I was coming, and I hadn't spoken to him in over a week so he was quite surprised. While I was there, he had to spend much of his time working, and I explored the city. A couple of his friends spent time with me, and told me all this stuff about how he loves me so much and how he wasn't the same while I was gone, and so on and so forth. They asked me how I felt about him.

Part of the problem is that I usually do not get so attached to a man so quickly. I was in love by the end of the first weekend I met him, and with any other boy I've known, it has taken me months! I don't usually get involved with the whole love business, so I can't tell if I've been caught up in his charms, or if we both truly have a connection that came extremely quickly, which I have heard happens. Part of the advantage of speaking to his friends let me know that he rarely dates girls, which he had also said is the case, and that he really likes me more than other girls. He also showed me his Turkish ID card which says he is 'Bekar' which means unmarried. I had this confirmed by someone else I met on the street.

Now it has been a few weeks since I have seen him, and I think in that time we have both become extremely jealous of the other, and worried about what will happen in the future. He checked my phone to see if I had any other Turkish men in my list, and told me to not answer the phone for other Turkish boys. We have had disagreements on the phone or by text that really should not have been disagreements. He says wants me to come visit but he also says it is my choice.

I am slightly worried about the green card business, but at the same time, I don't think he wants a green card to America. He told me he would miss speaking Turkish too much. He has also been out of Turkey before. He traveled to Japan in the fall. He works in his uncle's rug shop, and with the tourist season being so bad right now, he works 11 hour days and makes almost no money. If I call him in the middle of the day, he gets angry and tells me he is working. I think the money issues are stressing him out, and last night I texted him and told him I wouldn't be able to help him out by giving him money or buying something. He hadn't asked, but I wanted to make it clear just in case that was his intention by having me come back to visit.

Today I got a nasty text that asked me what kind of a person I was, and he said I was a liar and I did not like him. I called him and told him to not be stupid and so I think it was resolved. However, do you think that the man who was so nice the first time I met is just being stressed by the fact that he is making no money and has credit card debt, or do you think now that he 'has me' he is acting like he will if I continue this relationship?

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".