Dazed and confused

Submitted by Nadia (United States), Apr 22, 2008 at 23:56

Hello all,

I am just writing for some advice. Two, almost 3, years ago I met a man. Like many of the women here I met him through the internet. However, it was not on myspace or match.com. We were pen pals first, I needed to talk to someone who would not judge me and who wanted to get to know me for me. So things just progressed from friendship to a relationship. He seems wonderful, however, I truly do not know. We have exchange pictures and letters. One time he even sent me a Christmas card, and I realize that he did not have to do that especially since he is Muslim. It feels like we are in a great place now.

I am supposed to visit him next June. He has talked about getting married in Egypt (his country). Some how I have agreed to this. I kind of think that it just came out without my thinking about it. I am only 20 and he is 24. I will be 21 by the time that I go to visit him, but I still think that is young to get married. I am also a little nervous that he will try to make me stay in Egypt, even though we agreed to come to the US after marriage. I do love him, and he says that he loves me and I also understand that he is not allowed to date because he is Muslim.

He said that he was a virgin, which I don't know if I believe that. He is really attractive and fit, and he lives in a region were tourism is high. One of my friend s told me that it was very common for Muslim men to have sex with (western) women who their families never meet, and then marry a women who they have not had sex with. If he is a virgin that is respectable, but some how it does not seem realistic and when he talks about sex he said that he wants a women who knows what she is doing. It is understandable in a western society, however, in his society virginity is cherished.

I know that my parents will not agree with my decision to get married. The man that I love is a Muslim and I am a Baptist Christian. My mother is a Baptist minister.

Right now I just feel discouraged about the relationship. We talk like once every two weeks. I work and go to school and he goes to school. I have never heard his voice, I just thought that he never asked for my number because he was unconfident about his English speaking ablilities, but I read these other ladies stories and they say that they speak to their boyfriends every day. It just makes me a little sad. Plus he told me that I was not allowed to meet his family until after we are married. Is this a common Islamic practice?

I have been reading up on Egypt a lot and I found that people say that there is a lot of racism towards Blacks. I am Black, I wonder if his family will accept me. On some of the sites it say that they prefer fair skin and fine hair. My skin is not dark, to Black people I am light skinned, however my hair is nappy (kinky). I am afraid if we do get married that his family will not accept me. I know that my family if they truly do love me then they will come around. I am also afraid that his family will say how could you bring this Christian American women to our home. I will not convert. He say that he respects Christianity, but once we get married it may be a different story and yes I do realize that.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

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