Re: Turkish Man

Submitted by Striaght_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 23, 2008 at 18:27

First of all, thanks for sharing, and I'm sure it's not the easiest thing to tell us about your very personal situation, but I'm glad you did.

I can understand why you might like this man, but I don't believe it's EVER possible to fall in love over the internet. You can't read body language or even feel his touch. And if you haven't seen him, well, for all you know, you could be talking to woman.

I've done the on-line dating thing myself, I and could tell that some of the "women" I was talking to were actually men just by how they wrote.

I have to ask you, Jen, are you REALLY content with SHARING your man? Because if it does go as far as you marrying him, you may find that sharing a man isn't such a fun idea emotionally.

Also, he's probably married to a Turkish woman. What you MUST understand is that he will probably treat you differently because you are from a more Westernized culture. That's how it usually works out. Sure, people from the third world are family oriented, but with people from their own culture. They treat outsiders (including kids) differently.

Many women on here have said that on the eve or marriage, after making all the plans and getting the vacation time, they find out he's already married! And the fact that you know about it? Well, that doesn't change much.

Now, as I said, I can understand how in your situation (single, over 40 looking for love) this seems nice, but it may just be he wants a Western woman to sleep with for something new and different. These men INTENTIOANLLY target women just like you---in their 40-50's, have kids, looking for love.

Now, you are saying your family doesn't like this. Can you blame them? I mean, you're going to be a second wife to a man you've never met, and well, the warning about MUSLIM men is fine, but even more so because this is an on-line relationship. On-line relationships just don't work out, no matter the gender, religion, or race, it just doesn't happen. Every single woman who has been on here in the last five months thought they had the one or two legit ones. And that's what happens when you are "in love", Jen.

But, I think you really need to listen to your family on this. If this man is younger than you are, it's not a good thing, and as I said, he's probably just wanting to have sex with someone of a different culture and have it be okay under the rules of Islam. If he choses, he can also marry two more women.

The problem with polygamy whether its done by LDS or Muslims, is that there is often emotional straining between everyone involved, except for the man who's in high heaven. Because when you are intimiate or married, you share a deep emotional connection, and I don't care what anyone says otherwise, it DOES affect you, and biologically, it's even more intense for women.

You have kids, you say. Would you have permitted your former husband/partner to marry another woman? What would your reaction have been if he wanted someone else?

I dated a woman I met on-line once for 1.5 years, and she talked to me not about polygamy, but about three-somes and dating other guys and things like that. and it made me as furious as a volcano. I didn't want to share her! She wasn't some prize to be moved around!

I just think this is a bad idea. I'm sure it sounds nice over the internet, but every offer like this does. Heck, I can give you pages of how men from the West marry Russian girls who are 30-40 years younger, then they pay 20,000 euros to get them over here, and once they are married, poof! It's like a switch gets flipped. They learn English, get a drivers liscense and they are gone!

In the case of Muslim men, its' like Dr. Pipes wrote above the comment section: Him and his family will pressure you to convert to Islam, and in your case, you'll probably be the one who ends up doing the house-work and your freedom will be very limited, regardless of what he says. Sure, it's not like you're going to Saudi Arabia, but Turkey has some pretty strict Muslims as well, and if he's into multiple wives, you can bet he's a strict one.

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