Thanks...

Submitted by Jen (South Africa), Apr 24, 2008 at 16:51

To those that gave constructive advice! Yes I am married (for now). No, I don't have children. No, I don't have money. We chat via webcam, so he is real. He is 4 years younger than me. He has spoken to my mum and my brother as well via webcam.

Yes, his wife knows the situation (and is not happy about it obviously). His marriage was arranged. He cares for her as she is the mother of his chidren. I have done a back-ground check on him. He is legit in the sense of his employment, address, tax number etc. He has sent me pics of his family, home, etc.

I have spoken to my husband about the situation. He and I have been having problems for a long time, and we discussed divorce long before I met this other man. We are not happily married and we have mutually agreed to divorce. We are still good friends, but realise we are not making each other happy.

Yes, I am concerned about being the second wife, but maybe I have to make some sacrifices. He is under no illusion about me changing religions. He has accepted that 100%. He knows I have no money and that any money I earn there is mine. He accepts that. I have a job to go to there. We have not discussed sex in any manner whatsoever! The conversations we have have no sexual discussions at all!

He has suggested that I spend some time in Istanbul first to see if I like it there and to get to know him better. We will see each other as friends during this time, as his religion does not allow him otherwise until if/when we are married. He has also said that should I at any stage wish to return to SA, he will not stop me. He has sent personal invitations to my family to visit there anytime, and says I can visit my country anytime. I have a friend who lives in Istanbul and I can call on him at anytime should things go pear-shaped. Lastly, we wil not be having children together.

I know I may be taking a huge gamble, but what if my gut instinct is right? What if I miss out on an opportunity for happiness? Maybe it will be a huge mistake, but maybe I need to find that out for myself.

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