Chance of happiness

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 24, 2008 at 18:38

Jen:

First of all, these on-line relationships have a knack for failure.

Of course, you deserve happiness. But I don't believe he'll make it easy for you to leave at all. I don't think he's being up front with you.

Having a webcam only means one thing: that there is man there talking to you.

It doesn't even matter if he talks to your family. This could not be real. I know you're thinking that why would he invest so much effort then? Because culturally, that's how they operate. Patience is a virtue that brings about good fruits. For them, anyway.

I think you need to ask yourself if you are just rushing this along.

The other thing is: it's good to have back-up plans and all that, but doesn't the need to EVEN HAVE THEM say something? Would you marry a South African and think "oh, gee, if it doesn't work out, i have money stashed away or friends I can live with."

You even say yourself that you're concerned about being a second wife. For goodness sake, Jen, if it bothers you then DON'T DO IT! The way you say it, it's almost like you feel you have to or that there's no turning back! You can pull the plug anytime at all! Seriously!

And you're saying how you'll be able to independent and all that, well, that may very well change once you are married. And if being a second is a compromise, well, then I'd say he's running the show here hand and foot.

Marriage is supposed to be about trust, and having alternative plans like some covert operation isn't what makes a marriage work.

I just don't see this working out. Maybe you do have to learn for yourself, Jen, but as someone who's got the bitter end of on-line dating, it's a hard lesson to learn emotionally and financially. And it's not something that's all that easy to recover from, especially women.

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