How do you know??? (advice needed)

Submitted by Lisa (United States), Apr 27, 2008 at 19:11

Hi everyone, I am so glad to have found this place. I have a dilemma and it seems like you guys give really good, but brutally honest advice!

I was recently in Egypt on vacation with friends and met a guy (sound familiar yet?). It was definitely not what I was looking for or expecting. We were there for 3 weeks and he was our tour manager so he was with us the whole time. We spent a lot of time together, both alone and with the group, during the trip.

We talked quite a bit and after about a week acknowledged that we both were interested in each other, and by the last few days were discussing when we could visit each other in the future. We did sleep together a few times, to be totally honest (not something I would normally do). We are close to the same age (I am 29, he is 31), both have college educations and good jobs, and he seems very modern and western- he is Muslim but as far as I can tell he doesn't practice it (I am Christian).

He is coming to the US in October to see some family that live in Arizona. I am nearby, so the plan was to see each other then and I would visit him in Egypt later on, maybe early next spring. Then he asked if I could come sooner, that he missed me, and honestly, I miss him and would like to see him sooner than October too.

Tourism slows down in June so the tentative plan is for me to visit him for a couple of weeks then. We talk on the phone about once a week, and he is sweet and says he misses me and can't wait to see me, but nothing over the top like saying that he loves me and wants to marry me or anything. Mostly we just talk about work and our lives and what we have been doing.

I don't want to make a huge mistake by putting my heart on the line and going to see him, not to mention all the $$ for the plane ticket! Part of me is excited to see him, but part of me is paranoid after reading all the bad experiences women have with middle eastern men.

I was hoping maybe this has more potential to be "real" since we did meet in person, not online, we're the same age, and he is a successful professional in his own right so I doubt he is looking for money, I think he makes more than I do. But I don't want to be blind or a fool. My main concerns are that he is just interested in sex, or getting a green card and coming to the U.S. Surely he could find an easier way to get sex than having a woman fly all the way there from the US.

The green card thing is possible, though, I guess. He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him except that it seems hard to believe that he would like me so much after just spending 3 weeks together that he can't wait a few more months to see me. Of course, I liked him so much after just 3 weeks that I couldn't wait to see him, so who's to say that he doesn't feel the same way??

Questions- How do you know if one of these guys is lying to you or scamming you? Are there any red flags to look for or any way that I could kind of "weed out" a liar? Does anyone have a success story of meeting a man on vacation in Egypt and it working out?? I hate to sound like I don't trust him, but I'm not naive, I do realize that I don't know him all that well, and although he hasn't given me any reason not to. I know you shouldn't just blindly trust everyone, and Egyptian men targeting American tourist women seems to be a pretty common problem.

No, I haven't discussed this with him, partly because it seems so insulting to him, but mostly because I don't think there would be any point- if he is trying to con me, why would he tell the truth about it if I asked him? I hate even wondering that about him, he seems so nice and I genuinely enjoy talking to him and spending time with him, but after reading post after post of warnings about similar situations, it makes one paranoid!

Thanks so much for your input and for reading my long story!

Lisa

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