Re: Jaslina Please read--

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 28, 2008 at 17:12

Jaslina: Thanks for sharing your story!

This is actually quite common, but not because it's normal or right. It's not.

I can understand why you would be attracted to this man. He's getting an impressive degree and has a bright future. I'm sure he's young and attractive, too.

In fact, this has happened before with Iranian men, and I can think of one case where a women who married an Iranian man was literally held captive in Iran, until she and her daughter used an Iranian underground movement to escape.

This is MUCH more than just your normal martial arguing and disagreeing, this man clearly has no respect for you, and you know what? It's not going to change, Jaslina. Men like this just don't change. And people, especially conservative religious bigots, don't like to change.

I'm glad he hasn't hit you, but that is permissible in Islam, and I am worried that it may come down to that.

But you're only 24. Do you REALLY want to deal with this for the rest of your life? I really don't know what your marriage is based on, but it certainly isn't love. You may love him, and care for him, but It sounds like with the shopping and cooking he's just using you.

Believe me, I'm the last person who is for divorce, but honestly, you need to get rid of this man. Like so many other Middle Eastern men I've read about on here, he's thinks he's better than everyone else because he's a Muslim male. That's why he treats you and your Mom as such.

But it's not even limited to that. I dated an American girl I meet on-line who lived an hour away. After her parents told me that she was using me and flirting with other guys (it was actually much more worse than that as we later found out), they made her give all the stuff back--the car, the computer, everything that I was making payments on, she was using to find guys and go out and have sex. Nice, huh? Whenever she didn't get her way, she'd always threaten with me with suicide or that she was going to sleep with someone else.

And she got so mad she called my phone and told my mom she was a c*** I also overheard her call her mom the same thing.

We just live in a era where people just have no respect for their parents or elders.

I know you want this to work. I wanted to work with my woman (we were talking about getting married), but it didn't, and I am glad it didn't. Why? Because the name calling, the suicidal threats, the threats to sleep with other people, that's what I would have had to look to forward too.

Honestly, you're not the only one here who's been through this, so you're not stupid or crazy.

A lot of times, after you marry these men, it's like a switch goes off and they are a different person. It's not just an Iranian thing, it happens to a lot of Western men who marry Russian women. Once they get married and get over here, they focus all their time and attention and learning English, getting a license and are gone.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".