Erica and Julie: You are the outsiders

Submitted by Viking Woman (Kuwait), May 9, 2008 at 14:59

Julie, I think that you are very right concerning the behaviour of some Christian men in the U.S. However, let me point out the differences (and, yes I've been there.)

1. You may end up in his country, in which case, cancel all your rights as an American.

2. You can read all the books on the role of women in Islam you want, follow them, implement them in your daily life, submit, submit, submit and stil find yourself tolerating a life you would never consider in your country. As for his abiding by his role as husband in Islam, that is rare.

3. Most Arab countries have no clue what a battered woman's shelter is, so you have no protection. Your Embassy is very limited in terms of helping you in a foreign country. Yes, there are abuse cases, as their are in the U.S. but no restraining orders, protection, etc.

4. Any divorce can get ugly. Facing a divorce in an Islamic country is downright scary. The systems themselves are controlled by men, and you are an outsider. Unless you can afford an expensive lawyer and beat the shady system, you're at their mercy.

5. Your children will be Muslim. You can lose custody even if you become Muslim. You cannot take your children out of their country. You have one choice: Live in their land until your children are grown.

6. The family will not help or get involved in your problems with him. They will side with him in 99.9% of the cases. I guarantee this.

Last, but not least, every human I've met fell in love once upon a time and married. DIvorce is ugly in all countries, but consider being a stranger in a strange country, all alone facing this.

Walking into these male dominated courts and official buildings is very intimidating and takes a very tough woman to endure. Just last week I had to go to court once again. I do veil to eliminate some of the stares, yet I was the only woman in a court building (besides 4 women employees) surrounded by at least 100 men.

I can honestly say, most women on this site could not withstand the utter humiliation of being dismissed by men, while trying to achieve their rights. The women will not help you, nor will they pity you, as you married one of their men. They do not appreciate this at all. They are tired of their men marrying you outsiders, in countries and cultures that don't allow them the same right.

YOU are the outsider.

Is it worth the risk? The loss of human dignity? Ask yourselves this question. Try to imagine if you will, the outcome of these innocent encounters with foreign men, in an extremely different culture, in their land. I have not painted a clear enough picture, then you have only my prayers.

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