To Christina

Submitted by Zella (United States), May 15, 2008 at 09:15

Thank you, Christina, for asking for advice. Will you accept advice from those of us who know the culture and religion (one in the same)? I doubt it.

However, at 21 years of age, you need to ask yourself why you allow anyone to abuse you. This man is abusive. Is he going to change? NO. Can he change? NO. Why? He has been raised to have absolutely no respect for women. I'll give you an example of what I am talking about.

Last summer a Moroccan I know in my neighborhood was going home to visit and God only knows what else but anyhow, I saw him when I was out exercising and he was complaining miserably about all the gifts he had to buy and how much money he had spent. I began to probe and of course I learned quickly that he had purchased nice gifts for his father, brothers, nephews, other male family members.

When I asked about his mother's gift, he informed me that he purchased her a pair of sandals from WALMART. I asked if he realized that his mother was the least appreciated member of his household and he had no idea as to what I was talking about. Finally I said, "ok, case closed" and after I completed exercising I went to the Post Exchange and bought a beautiful 14 carat necklace with the inscription (#1 MOM).

I returned home, called my friend and told him to come by my house because I had something for him. He came by for a minute and when I gave him the gift, he looked at me like I had lost my mind. I simply said, "For once in your life accept the fact that if it wasn't for your mother, you would not even be in this world". Furthermore, I told him that if he couldn't learn anything else in life, he should learn that his mom deserved more than a $10 pair of sandals. He did, however, take the gift and said he would give it to his mother. Did he offer to pay me? Why, of course not.

When he returned from Moroc six weeks later, he called to say he had returned. That same day I crafted a statement of the amount of money he owed me for his mother's gift (to be perfectly frank, I doubt seriously that he gave her the gift) and mailed it to him with explicit instructions to bring the money to my house and put it under my door ( I gave him 24 hours to complete the task and also billed for the time and mileage to purchase the gift). He complied and on the door knob he left a plastic bag with a "gift" for me. A pair of pink leather shoes two sizes too small was the gift.

This is an example of how women are not valued in the Muslim world. This is also an example of how to deal with men from these countries. You see he actually thought that because I am a friend in passing, he could take the gift and not give me one cent. His idea of paying me back was a pair of pink leather shoes two sizes too small that he picked up at the bazaar.

The only way to deal with these men even as friends is to beat them at their own game. Christina, if you want to go to Moroc to see this man, let him send the ticket, pay for the hotel, food, and buy you a nice present (a piece of good jewelry). If he says one more thing about your not being a virgin, tell him that he doesn't even have good common sense or he wouldn't be so stupid as to mention anything as personal as virginity.

You are not dealing with a group of people who have insight and this is probably the #1 reason why western women often get their feelings hurt. Probably 99 percent fit the description of being narcissistic (excessive amount of self admiration/self love). if I was a hairdresser I would cater only to middle eastern men and keep tons of jet black hair dye. It wouldn't take long until I could retire and move to the south of Spain. I hope you understand that I am not cynical but unfortunately I don't mince words.

You are very young and should concentrate on your needs. Go to school. Acquire a degree. Be your own woman. You are now being abused by a person who has no respect for himself so how can you expect him to respect you? Good luck, Christina, and forget about Moroc. Let Moroccan men marry their own women. As a western woman, you have been allowed to choose your religion, friends, lovers, husband, etc. In the Muslim world, choice is not an option.

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