Double standards and honor killings: Don't be fooled by his secularism

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), May 17, 2008 at 20:27

Hi there, and thanks for sharing!

It's very important to understand Moroccan culture. Yes, there are some more secular Muslims. But at the same time, especially with men, many of them have a double standard.

You'll pretty much find examples in any religion, but with Muslim men from the Third World, the case is many times women just aren't seen as equals, okay?

Now, you come from a very different background, but this is more than just that. He may be secular for himself, but he clearly expects you to be traditional. He will expect you to give up your club and more. Why? Because that's how guys who want something from a woman but are afraid to tell the whole story communicate.

Listen, I'm a religious person, and I dated an agnostic girl once. I dropped hints here and there about that I wanted her to change, but she didn't. In fact, I was the one was more changed more by her, ironically.

People, especially a lot of Muslim guys, don't like change. This is really only the tip of iceberg. He's just kind of letting the cat out of the bag so after you are married he can say: I told you so. Even if you are the most hardcore feminist, you will be the one changing to accomodate this relationship. All over Europe, I see feminist yielding to Islam left and right.

Now, I know what you're thinking, how dare I say that, right? Well, 9 times out of 10, the girl adapts to the man's culture. That's just how it is traditionally and biologically.

The fact that he even jokes around about this murder stuff isn't even funny. The agnostic girl I was dating had an on-line relationship with a French man over the internet before she met me. He was very jealous of us, and eventually threatened her. The story as I understand it I also found out that he supposedly raped someone else. His father, who also in America, has concerns about his behavior, called the police, who had denied him entry in the USA. I later reported the rape to the FBI, but nothing could really be done about it because the girl he assaulted three times didn't want to press charges and considered him a "best friend".

Listen, if you hate me for saying anything on this post, at least know this: There is no such thing about joking around when it comes to killing in a relationship. Jealously is a chief motive in every culture for murder, trust me. I'm sure you know that here in the USA we have a high crime rate. Well, aside from drug dealing, most of the murders involve people who know each other. It's pretty rare anywhere (well, besides Iraq, I guess) for people to just kill randomly in cold blood.

It's not so much limited to Islam either. There are plenty of college-age Christian men who are adamant about having fun with beer and sex as much as possible before getting married.

You say you love this man. I don't believe real love can happen over the phone or internet no matter how much you talk. Love isn't based so much on frequency of communication (which is very lacking in these relationships because there is no touching and you cannot readily read his body language, even with a webcam), but on spending time with someone in person for numerous reasons.

I have no doubt you are attracted to him, but attraction and real love are two different things. In his 2004 book Dating Secrets Revealed dating guru Marius Panzerella writes that attraction cuts through everything. But attraction is not love, Aleczendria.

He also notes scientific research that shows any successful marriage needs to have passion, intimacy and committment. Those just don't happen from talking over the internet.

And a quick marriage is almost always a sign of some deceit, whether it be a scam or some lies. In your case, it's his attitude and relunctance to say how he really feels about this.

I just don't see this going well for you. He's going to ask you to give up anything and everything that he sees fit. I mean, honestly: Because I'm the man and I said so?" Give me a break ! Every woman I know wouldn't stand for that, and neither should you.

I've seen that on here before, and it's just a sign of things to come. He doesn't respect you and he won't, and it's his way, or no way at all.

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