Hi Leigh

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), May 18, 2008 at 19:45

Thanks for sharing!

First and most important, real matriomonial love just doesn't happen over the phone or the internet. To me, it's an impossiblity and an illusion where people can see and hear and take what they want to see, hear and intrepret.

The relationship success rates show it, the frustration of people who have tried on-line dating show it (myself included), the stories on here show it, and basic human communication shows it. Those feelings are more along the lines of attraction, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that's no basis for a marriage.

Well, kudos to you on waiting until marriage, because I find it's very difficult to leave someone you've been intimate with if things don't work, and I'm sorry that they haven't turned out as you had hoped.

You had mentioned money. Obviously, married couples share money, but you still seem concerned about this issue and do not seem to trust him.

A successful marriage has to be about trust, and that trust must come BEFORE the wedding.

This business about his family is kind of a concern to me. I would be stunned silent if he ditched them for you forever. It may last a few weeks, or maybe even 10 years, but I don't think he can let them go forever for you. And I know you are his wife and you have been intimate, and I do not say this eagerly or lightly and I symapthesize with you. But, if you want a marriage to be good, think long term here. I actually know a couple who eloped because the wife's parents didn't agree with the decision to marry, on the wife's side they didn't see the family for over 10 years. By then, they had 3 kids, which is sad, because children thrive on love of grandparents. This kind of stuff does happen, but I can pretty much promise you, you'll be hearing from his family eventually, and yes, they will probably give you crap for not being a burka-clad Muslim if that is not your wish.

About Russian women in the Middle East: A lot of them are lured there to work with false promises and end up being in the sex trade. I'm not sure which country you are referring to, but if its on the Arabian peninsula, yes, the area is ripe with prostitution in spite Islamic cultural norms.

Now, there is a negative stereotype about Russian women that they are all whores because many of them are seen in the adult industry or wear provacative clothes as you suggest. The reality is, most of them are actually traditional, orthodox women, and because Russian men have serious issues with drug and alcohol abuse, they often look for husbands abroad.

So, I can understand your hesitation and glimpse of suspicion, if that is what it is. Because I was in a similar situation with one girl I dated I meet on the internet a few years ago. What happened was that she would only get affectionate when I would buy her something. Otherwise, she wouldn't want to be intimate, or kiss or whatever you want to call it, because she said she respected me and didn't want me to think I was a toy.

Well, it turns out she didn't need me as a toy because over the course of our confusing relationship (and it's hard to even call it that), she had numerous other lovers on-line, over the phone, and eventually in person, both male and female.

So, all this assurance that he wants to make sex special? Honestly, Leigh, I've heard that before. It could mean he has other women on the side, who knows? That's the problem with these distance, intercultural relationships, and I sympathsize, because my woman lived only an hour way in the same state as me.

Listen, none of us on this board are in your shoes, so if you feel something isn't right with that female intutution, it's probably wise to trust it.

Whatever you do, your decision must be FIRM. And don't feel guilty if you leave him. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to. There's NO such thing as no turning back. And chances are if you leave him, he'll throw the whole nine yards at you with tears, angry outburst and try to intimidate you back into it with him.

It's your life, and you can just drop the whole thing if you want, but I would check with the immigration office first, just so you can properly end this, if you will. And again, don't worry about what they will think, or if you change your mind, it's a free country, and they deal with things like this all the time.

Believe me, I'm the last person for divorce, but in these cases, getting out of a relationship you know isn't going to work is for the best.

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