hi Leesa!!

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), May 27, 2008 at 18:53

Thanks for the insight.

There actually are great guys everywhere. So, why all the problems on here? Because it's intercultural dating. I cannot emphasize enough on here that the reason why Third World nations are so family-orientated is because many times that is all they have. That's not always the case though with men who can afford internet or sit in a cafe all day and type away.

The trouble is, Leesa, the truth about things like intercultural dating and multiculturalism in general are hidden and not reported because of political correctness. I'll give you the most notorious example: segregation. Here in the USA south, there was all kinds of it based on color. That's what the high school and college history books would say.

My opinion on segregation is that we had it because white fathers and black fathers didn't want their daughters to date interracially. I do believe that if "seperate but equal" as the segregation philosophy goes, was truly equal for African-Americans, it would still be in effect today.

In many USA cities, it still is. How can I say that? Well, because it's de facto segregation, it's segregation based on fact, not law. That's why in say, New York or Detriot, you have all the Jews living in one area, all the Arabs in another, all the Irish in one spot, all the Poles here, and all the African-Americans over here.

That's how it is, and most people can't handle ideas like that, but it's true.

So, what does all this have to do with dating?

Well, people are more comfortable marrying people who are similar, not different.

I've actually been thinking about that for a while now, and I was paging through some older dating material I brought from the Smart Dating Institute a while back. A man named Marius Panzerella specializes in Western dating culture and wrote a book a few years ago called Dating Secrets Revealed.

One of the things I have observed is that many Western men have no clue on to treat a woman. American men are just horrible at receiving compliments, but they over-compliment women for instance, as he notes.

Over-complimenting someone just dilutes the meaning of what you say. It's also the same for insults. Take the word Nazi, for example. Over the last 60 years, that word has been used so much, it's lost its effective meaning. When I am called a Nazi, I almost have to try to get offended. It's just used for everything.

The best example in romance I can think of getting overused is "I love you." Saying this too soon in a real-life relationship is a death sentence for it. Why it's tolerated so much on-line, who knows? A lot of things that happen over the internet are tolerated from insults, death threats to unbridled affection. I guess anonymity and not actually seeing the person make it easier to express such extreme emotions.

He also points out that women like a guy who is a challenge and mysterious, because women like to play love detective and find out more about their man.

With on-line scammers and liars, this works to their advantage, because they probably have 40+ women they talk to, and by not being there all the time, they seem as a challenge. Also, they tend to keep secrets, which means the conversation shifts more towards the girl which makes it look like he's not a bragger (only insecure people need to brag, as Marius writes) and if you combine that with all the charm that secularism and feminism has whisked away, well it's easy to see why you are attracted to this man.

That's the real crux of this forum. Leesa, I do not believe that what you have for this man is real matrimonial love. Christine wrote a few weeks ago on here that "love cuts through anything." Marius would say that attraction cuts through everything, especially for women.

Love and attraction are not the same emotion.

Marius also notes that psychological study done in the late 1980's indicated that you need three key ingredients for a successful marriage: passion, commitment and intimacy. Can all three of these really happen over the internet?

No. Because of the communication barrier that prevents you from knowing the person. The thing is that we are complex beings, and words are just a small part of how we communicate. When I was reading his publication, I noted numerous emphasis on things like posture, body language, how to communicate with the eyes and especially touch. It has been proven that small babies who are not cuddled and touched after birth will die. That's how important it is.

The myspace woman that I dated pretty much thought that you could have friends who lived 850 miles away, never meet them, and still know them better than they know themselves. One of them turned out out to be a rapist. She spent all day in college talking to these people (and all of her ex-boyfriends). In fact while we were dating, she dating one of the them (a girl, actually) and she had also sent her money to come and visit. She never came, but spent the money.

That is how liars and scammers are, Leesa. My woman told me she loved me even before we met. She also called me a lot crying so that I would fall in love with her through pity.

If you're going to do on-line dating or meet people on-line for flings, liars and scammers are the people you can expect to meet. Why? Because those are those people who are on-line all day and night. Would a person with a decent job or who is trying to work hard in college even have time to dork around on-line? Not really.

The thing is, you never know who you are going to meet, Leesa. I've caught three 17-year-olds posing as 18 year-olds, a 13 year-old posing as a 26 year old. I was even soliticted for cybersex once by a girl who was 13 on another blog last year. Even after explaining to her the legal consquences and how dangerous it is for her to be doing that, she still insisted, and I just ignored her after that.

I had a Russian woman once fall in love with me on the second e-mail. The only photo she had seen of me was an dated senior year picture.

You say would rather feel the hurt in the end. But when will the end come? It could be three-five years after marriage. That's what happened to sash. She was on here defending her man left and right, until she caught him cheating.

That is why, even under intense scrutiny on here, I still doubt women who are married to Muslims from different countries. A scam or a liar isn't revealed overnight usually, and marriage certainly is not the last hurdle. And in Islam, it is permissible to have sex with whomever and whoever as long as you are in a marriage. That is why I think some, not all, but some, marry Western women. They already calculate in advance for how long before you say your vows.

This also parallels the situation with Russian women marrying American men. It takes time for them to learn English fluently and to get a driver's license.

I really don't know when this man told you he loved you, but the sooner it was, the worse it is.

Leesa, I know this isn't easy for you, but I am glad that you at least have the presence of mind to question this. You are a lot farther along than I was. I know it's not easy not knowing, but if I were in your shoes, I would not go through with this, block him, delete him, even uninstall your chat programs if you have to.

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