have I been conned?

Submitted by broken heart (United Kingdom), May 30, 2008 at 17:49

I was in Morocco in February for work and added a weekend tour to the Atlas mountains to see the Kasbahs. I arranged for a driver for two days. Hamid is a quiet attractive man 17 years my junior. He was very nice and intelligent, and apparently sincere. The first day I did not pay much attention as I am a very attractive well traveled woman (all of the Maghreb and Middle East) that knows when she is being played (at least I thought so). However, his kindness and politeness was disarming and we had a nice day followed by dinner. After dinner he asked if he could kiss me, and I said yes for reasons that I have yet to understand. The second day we had sex as I was attracted to him intellectually and physically.

For the 3 months that followed we spoke on the phone frequently - he would text and I would call. I thought we had built a friendship and I made arrangements to go back to Morocco to see him. As he is but a driver for a travel agency I paid for the week that I was in Morocco for he could not afford to take time away from work.

He was kind when I first arrived, as if the three months had never passed. He had made arrangements at all the hotels for us to share a room, something illegal in Morocco unless you are married. On our first night he told me he did not love me, and that there was no future for us due to cultural differences, complications with his family if he was to be with a Westerner, and that he did not want a woman that worked or earned more money than him. I was crushed as I had built an illusion in my mind based on all of our conversations. We revisited this conversation many times over the course of the week as I had a hard time accepting it.

I had bought him many gifts because I wanted to, and he had asked for them. He appreciated them but I never saw any of the clothes on him until the last day when we parted. Could it be that he was embarrassed to be viewed as a gigolo by people he knew in the small villages we were in? The stereotype of older western women going to morocco for boy toys must create a stigma for younger moroccan men who are seen with women like me.

During the week together his actions towards me were like a roller coaster. Sometimes kind and affectionate but often not. Could it be that he was conflicted in that he liked me but did not want to hurt me? Or was he feeling guilt for hurting me as I was always kind to him and had willingly bought him many nice gifts?

He did not take me to the airport when I left. Was this because he did not want a scene in front of other drivers he knew - I cried a lot over the week in his presence. He did however ask me to call him from the airport which i could not do because I was devastated and could not stop crying. I did call him upon my return to London. He said he was pleased to hear from me, and asked why I did not call him from the airport. We spoke briefly during which he said things had not changed between us as a result of the trip but that he could not speak at the moment and would call me back. It has been three days and I have not heard from him at all. Could it be that he really did like me and has decided to spare me the obvious pain he causes me?

I like him as a person and would like to be his friend even if there is no long term love relationship involved. Am I a fool for wanting to go back to see him? In my heart I thinnk he is different - conflicted because he doesn't want to hurt me, but wants the western clothes and electronics. I like talking to him because he is very direct in all his responses, sadly often creating pain as he does not say what I want to hear, but is honest instead.

Have I been conned so well that I don't see it? Could he be different and worthy of a friendship? What do you think will be his next steps ?

I would REALLY appreciate your views, your other responses have been very insightful.

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