Have you been conned?

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), May 30, 2008 at 22:07

Dear Broken Heart:

Thank you for the compliments, and I am so very sorry to hear that your heart is broken.

I have experienced much of this myself, but with a woman, and I cannot emphasize enough:

If you are giving out money or buying things for someone who is not your spouse, it has trouble written all over it. This is especially true for people who have just met.

The key word here is met, because I really think that even though you have had the distance communication.

I realize that you have shared some very personal information with me on here, and I'm sure that wasn't easy, but one of the reason why I think you feel attached is because of the intimate encounter you had with him. When I was dating an American woman who I met on-line and eventually in person, she turned out to be materialistic, whiny spoiled lady. Yet, I felt I had to be with her because we were intimate.

A priest recently told me that he gotten the bug to watch all those court shows on TV. He told me that nearly all the cases invovled people who were living together (sharing resources) and were not married.

Whether or not you agree morally with that, the consequences cannot be denied.

So, what does that have to do with things here? Well, if your man is asking you for things, then something is wrong. He's clearly sending you mixed messages. He knows it's wrong, but he cannot shake the temptation of things that are so readily available, that is, the things you buy for him.

This is NOT a cultural, religion or race issue, it's an issue of a man taking advantage of you no matter how poor he is.

I've heard that whole excuse before too. My woman kept asking for money, but she did so in such a way to get me to feel sorry for her and offer before she would directly ask. She played every trick in the book:

-Luigi, I need it now or I'll be evicted

-Luigi, I feel the need to sleep with someone else because I am stressed and depressed

-Luigi, I'm gonna committ suicide!

Trust me, if your man is asking for electronics and not food, he's not that bad off. Sounds like he's better off than most Morrocans are.

The thing about my woman, was that I found out she was getting money from another woman she was dating on and off in the time she "knew" me and and she had been cheating on me the entire time.

You also talk about him almost hiding your relationship. My woman did the same thing to me. She kept us a secret because she was worried about what other people thought, namely, that her ex-boyfriends would have their feelings hurt.

She said she was doing this out of virtue of friendship.

Ha.

The REAL story was that she couldn't let go. Of ANYONE.

That's what being intimate with a bunch of people will do, I guess.

One of the persons that I frequently cite on here is Marius Panzerella. In his Dating Secrets Revealed
he notes that if you want a successful relationship, early intimacy isn't the way to go.

The other issue I see here is that you are 17 years older than he is. That is a huge red flag warning if you want a relationship.

There is a growing trend in North Africa and the West of younger men having flings with much older women. But, broken heart, that is all they are. flings. I swear, bars will soon themed after it.

You can argue about how fair it isn't because older men date younger women until you are blue in the face, but it comes down to biology. People are attracted to fertile people of the opposite sex (well, unless you are gay). Women eventually lose their ability to be fertile, whereas men are fertile throughout their lives.

Look, even the dating sites, who make money off of dating and romance, will concede that once you approach that 20 year difference, it isn't gonna happen.

I'm 26 years old, and there is NO WAY I would be with a woman who is 17 years older than me. I would have issues about dating someone who is 29 for marriage, to be honest. I have no doubt that you are attractive, and many women your age are, but in a recent newsletter, Marius told me that attraction on physical attributes can decrease over time. A relationship based on attraction alone simply will not work.

Listen, you seem like a normal woman who just wants to be happy, and despite your pain, you're trying to see the positive. But if you really need third party confirmation about a relationship, chances are, it's not going to work.

When I was dating my woman, I tried to see the positive, too I even defender her to family and friends. But they saw what I didn't, and as I was defender her, she was draining my bank accounts AND cheating on me.

Hamid is right about the cultural differences: It would be a problem. You would probably be seen as less human, yes, less human, than other people of his culture. Third World countries have strong family connections, among themselves. That's the little detail that always gets overlooked.

I'm sure he is conflicted, my woman was too. But in the end, she couldn't resist. Being able to be loyal and committed is a key part to any successful relationship.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I think that even being friends isn't a good idea. My woman wanted this with me too after we broke up, but she wanted that as a way to "borrow from me as a friend."

Ladies, you MUST be wary whenever a guy says he just wants to be friends over the internet. I met a girl from the USA south once who was like this, and even though she was steadily seeing another man, she wanted to meet up with me, and started talking to me about all these bad thought she was having about me.

You really need to ask yourself why you want to be friends with him. Is it just so you can still help him out w/o the challenge of a relationship?

I really feel that you need to stop talking to this man, and if I were in your shoes, I would block him, uninstall your chat, or whatever it takes.

Maybe he does want to spare you, too. It could be. The hard part about international, intercultural differences is it's never, ever 100% bad or 100% good. I think if he has not contacted you since, he realizes there is no future with you.

The question is have you been conned?

After all of this, I have to concede you're not going to see any money back from him. So, maybe in that respect you were. But does this man do this others? Who can say?

Or did he just be intimate with you to get things? My woman did that to me. After I caught her at her little game, and called her out on it, she never talked to again, or called. Why? No more things, no more money.

Whatever his reasons are, that's not very respectful of him at all to be intimate with you and say "well, too bad. We are different."

Again, I'm sure that this isn't easy to hear. It often isn't. The best thing I think you can do is move on. As Marius would suggest, meet new people, expand your social circle of friends in real life and someone more worth your time will come along.

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