Your comments are wise and comforting

Submitted by broken heart (United Kingdom), Jun 1, 2008 at 04:25

Finding this website has been a blessing to me. I have found that I am not alone in facing the challenge of having met someone who charmed his way into my heart and is now trying to recover from the reality behind this.

As a frequent traveler to North Africa and the Middle East I have been impressed with the warmth, generosity and hospitality of the people, but equally frustrated by the cultural approach to women, relationships, marriage etc. As I often travel for work the people I met are highly educated and often extremely well off and well traveled. This has given me the opportunity to confirm that the views about women in general are not the exclusive domain of the poor and uneducated.

I have developed close friendships with several of the women I meet in these countries through work and find that they are more liberated than the poor women, and they are very discriminatory towards men of their culture based on economic and educational status. I shared my story with a dear friend in Egypt who was disappointed for me as she wanted me to find love, but she said she felt in her heart she knew what would happen given the reality of the situation between Moroccan men and western women.

I still struggle with the desire to retain contact and friendship. Hamid is truly an amazing person with virtually no education (3 years) but with tremendous insight in life. He showed me things about myself that I was not aware of and which have propelled me to begin to see a therapist to better understand and cope with.

I am generous with my friends as money is fine to have but better to share and bring joy to someone for whom you care. I often think of all my friends when I travel and buy them small things I think they would like. I rationalize the gifts to Hamid as a thank you or inspiring me to want to be with a man after a 3 year hiatus following an awful relationship with an English man. Hamid made me want to go out there again and find someone special. I never want to be intimate with Hamid again as it was too destructive for me emotionally.

I would like to retain a friendship though with limited access to gifts (very small similar to what I give my other friends) and definitely no money. Not sure if this would be enough financial motive for him to wish to continue to be my friend, given the Moroccan culture. I travel to Morocco for work 2 - 3 times per year so adding a day to catch up with him while I am there is no sacrifice.

Please, would appreciate your views.

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